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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Interview with Old Man Winter....
 


Interview with Old Man Winter

With all the snow we have been having through the South and Midwest this winter, we are beginning to wonder what is causing it. Today we have an exclusive interview with the source of cold weather, Old Man Winter.

Hello Sir,

First, we would like to thank you for taking time out of your frosty schedule to speak with us today.

1. How do you like being the personification of cold weather?


Oh, somebody has to do it and I've been in charge of the fourth season for about as long as anyone can remember. It can be tough when people are cold and miserable and don't appreciate me. But look at this way: If there was no winter, there would be no spring. I am simply maintaining the natural order.

2. So, you try to keep a positive attitude?

Yes, it gets a bit hard at times. I try to do nice things: bring snow for the kids so the schools will close, and sprinkle the ski slopes with fresh power for the snow bunnies. These winter sports people are some of my best supporters, you know. I love chilling out with those folks.

3. Do you have much time for fun, or are you too busy?

I'm not as busy as in the good ol' days, that's for sure. I used to own the world, had my glaciers all over the place. Nowadays, I don't have much territory left, just the polar regions, and even those are starting to melt and get smaller.

4. What do you think about people and their negative attitude toward you?

Pardon me for saying so, but they have a lot to learn. They keep getting seasonal weather and global warming all mixed up. Give 'em one cold winter and they don't believe in global warming. Maybe when they are up to their necks in sea water they will see what I have to put up with.

5. Do you ever think you would like to retire?

I do like Alaska, Northern Canada, and Iceland. But, who knows, weather patterns could change and we could go into another ice age. I like working, doing what I've always done, but the world keeps getting warmer all the time. It's as if someone left the refrigerator door open.

6. So, why all the snow this winter?

A few snowstorms across the South, and a foot or two on New York City and people want to throw in the snow shovel and quit. What if they lived where it is really cold, like Siberia? A little hardship is good for people. Makes them appreciate how good they have it the rest of the time. I'll admit I messed up with Oklahoma City this winter. I fell asleep for a little nap and forgot to turn off the snow machine. Sorry about that.

7. Do you like being in charge of a major season?

It is a lot of responsibility being the CEO of winter, so to speak. I don't charge anything at all for my services, so people should really be more appreciative. And if I get tired of watching ice hockey, I can always zap a city with a blizzard and watch the cars run into each other on the expressway.

8. Isn't that a little cold-blooded, if you will pardon the expression?

Cold-blooded? Of course I'm cold blooded. I can throw a cup of water in the air and have it turn into a snowstorm. I can turn water into ice, fog into frost, rain into sleet. You probably thought it was weathermen who invented thunder snow, didn't you?
 
9. Don't you want to leave people with a good impression? 

People want to schmooze up to me, be my friend. They like me for a while as long as it is fun, building snowmen, ice skating, sledding. But as soon as they get a chill, they dump me like a bad cold.

10. Do you ever feel like people would rather you didn't come around at all?

Well, if they don't like seasons, they can move to the equator and see how they like it there. And that goes for you too. Stupid weather reporters! I should have given you the cold shoulder in the first place.

Well, I believe we've been frozen out here. I'm starting to get frost bite anyhow. Back to tomorrow's forecast now. Keep your batteries charged and your thermostats up, I think we may be in for a storm.
 


Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
 
 



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