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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Christmas Weather Forecast....
 


A Christmas Weather Forecast


The following is a Special Weather Statement issued for the Christmas Holiday Season:


December is expected to bring above normal levels of stress in both northern and southern areas of the country. Shoppers are expected to move into the region around cities and malls beginning on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Mild temperatures are expected to rise as the excitement begins and shoppers rush to look for bargains and gifts for the seasonal celebration.

Economic slowdown has caused a stagnation of the air around shopping centers, and prices are expected to be several degrees below the norm for last year. Experts are hopeful that the unseasonably low prices will create an atmosphere of spending. Look for especially heavy activity on the parking lots where severe temper flare-ups have occurred in past years from high pressure of traffic and shortage of parking places.

Expect the normal seasonal display of decorations, which will continue throughout the holiday season. Many areas have reported localized heavy ornament displays beginning as early as October of this year. Except for a few low lying areas, lights and holiday greenery will be displayed over most of the country, with icicles and snowmen expected even in areas where temperatures are normally
mild.

The wind will be blowing out of the north, bringing with it a 50 percent chance of Christmas music. Light snow is possible, but it is too early for a definite prediction at this time. It is never, however, too early to wish. A special advisory is issued to build a fire in the fireplace and drink eggnog or hot
apple cider to ward off cold winter chills.

Radar indicates that Santa will arrive as expected, making it around the world in only one night in spite of fog, sleet or snow. Children may rest assure that no snow is necessary for Santa and his reindeer to make deliveries to rooftops far and wide. Tots everywhere are anticipating his coming with flurries of activity, changing into blizzards of excitement, as Christmas Day gets closer.

Gifts will be wrapped in seasonal holiday paper and ribbon, especially in mid to late December. Christmas trees are expected to materialize prior to Christmas Day and have been appearing commercially for a prolonged period of time throughout the vicinity. A warm front of Christmas spirit is moving in at 20 M.P.H. and is expected to bring love, generosity and cheer throughout the area.

Watch for earlier than normal wakeup hours on Christmas Day as children arise to open their gifts. A possible storm of high calorie consumption may occur later in the day as a wave of heat and humidity moves into the dining room where turkey or ham and other Christmas goodies are being served. Severe overeating should taper off as the day progresses, turning into milder indulgences by early
evening.

Drought may occur shortly after the Christmas season as the warm fuzzy holiday spirit moves out and a weak cold front moves in preceding the arrival of the January bills. Be prepared for a freeze as reality sets in. Chilly weather may continue through February, but the celebration of Christmas is expected to go on for many seasons to come.


Copyright 2001-2007 Sheila Moss
 
 



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