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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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E-Mail to Cupid....
 


E-Mail to Cupid

To: Cupid@olympus.net
From: Loveless@hotmail.com
Subject: Urgent Request

Since this month is February, the month of love, and since you are the bearer of love and affection, could I ask you to aim one of your arrows at a certain person I know? Just one shot from your arrow could probably bring him around to a more romantic way of thinking. My guy forgets that February 14th is Valentine's Day, and usually watches TV until he falls asleep.

After all, you have been patching relationships for ailing couples for an eternity. Romeo and Juliet, Mark Anthony and Cleopatra, Brad and Jennifer. Well, maybe some have turned out a little better than others, but you know what I mean. Since you will be out anyhow, flitting around in your underwear, couldn't you just aim an arrow or two his way? I know you are not Dr. Phil, but I don't really have time for a consultation and most likely he is out shopping for a Valentine gift for his beloved anyhow.

With your excellent marksmanship, you could easily nail my guy. If you think it would help, I can turn on the porch light when he gets home so you don't have to waste a lot of valuable time doing your business. I would hate to have to hold him down, though, as he would certainly figure out what I'm up to then

I don't want you to shoot him in the heart -- just wing him a little. A direct shot to the heart would probably kill an old guy like him. He might become so amorous that I could not control him. I would hate for you to be responsible for any nasty incidents that might occur --- or is that just wishful thinking?

Thank you for your kind attention and I will be looking forward to your response.



To: Loveless@hotmail.com
From: Cupid@olympus.net
Subject: RE: Urgent Request

Thank you for your inquiry via email. I always make my utmost effort to respond, especially with circumstances as desperate as those you describe. I am indeed known through out eternity for my intervention in matters of the heart; however, the request you make is a most serious one.

By the way, while it's true than some matches have been better than others, remember that except for me, they would never have fallen in love at all. It is better to have loved and lost, and all that stuff, you know.

One shot from my arrow will give anyone a romantic way of thinking. Your beloved will forget about TV and his computer and shower you with love and affection. Do you like flowers, chocolates and perfume? How about a pair of diamond earrings or a red silk nightie?

I am the ORIGINAL "love doctor" -- way before Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth. I don't waste time on analysis -- just one arrow and ZING! It a sure shot for a sagging relationship every time with no Cialis needed!

All men have a tender spot somewhere. It only takes the right woman and a little incentive for him to become love struck and hopelessly head over heels. I would suggest a word of caution, however. Be sure --- very sure -- that this is the man of your dreams. Once my arrow smites him, he will be under the power of the greatest motivational force known to mankind. Wars have been fought for the sake of love.

I will look forward to being at your service and will plan to arrive early on February 14th. No human being should live without love. Don't worry about me finding him, I have my methods and always get my prey.

By the way, if you should feel a tiny sting yourself, do not be alarmed. Love works best when it is mutually shared. So, just enjoy that warm, loving feeling and do not attempt to resist letting your heart melt. I have just checked my records and it seems that I have received an email concerning you also.

Men can also write letters to Cupid, you know.


Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
 
 



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