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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Your So-Called Vacation...
 


Your So-Called Vacation

EMAIL

From: Dixie Dog
TO: Daddy
SUBJECT: Your so-called vacation

I hope you are having a good time on your vacation without me. I'm here at home right where you left me, all alone with nobody to take me for a walk.

I just wanted to set you straight about a few things before you hear any false rumors that I misbehaved while you were on your vacation. I might have been a little upset that you went on a vacation and left me here alone with nobody but a dog sitter to take care of me, but I tried not to show it.

You might hear that I had a few so-called accidents on the floor, but that is not true. If there were puddles on the floor - and I'm not admitting that there were - it wasn't me. After all, I could not jump on my daddy and ask him to walk me when he wasn't here. I think you should have considered this possibility before leaving me here all alone.

The fence you built out of chicken wire so I could go outside in the yard is a laugh. I liked the grass on the other side of the fence better. As you know, I am a pretty clever little dog. It took me only about two trips outside before I figured out how to scoot under it and run away.

It was fun to hide behind the bushes and watch everyone running around frantically looking for me. I thought it would be a great prank to have the dog sitter call you and say I was lost, but she spotted me hiding and put me back in prison.

After that, the dog sitter started trying to walk me herself, but she can't get around very well. I jumped off the porch to chase a cat, and she fell off all by herself. I saved her from a vicious animal, but she didn't appreciate it. That was when she started calling me the devil dog.

I really missed sleeping in your bed at night. The dog sitter let me sleep with her, but it is not the same. I finally figured out a solution, though. If I sat in the middle of your bed and barked long enough, the dog sitter finally came and slept with me to get me to shut up. I don't know why she was so mad. I couldn't sleep by myself with no one to keep me warm at night.

The dog sitter has been petting me and giving me a lot of attention, but she is not my daddy. Why did you leave me here? I like vacations. You have never left me behind before. I was so upset that I threw up a few times, but the dog sitter cleaned me up so what's the big deal? I didn't like getting my face washed, stupid dog sitter. She said I am spoiled, another lie. I should have bitten her.

By the way, did she mention that I had a little accident on your bed? You may notice that it is a little damp when you get home. I didn't do it. It was the evil cat. I was framed. Bad things can happen when you are not at home.

And now, if you will excuse me, I see some of my doggie friends outside and I need to stand at the window and bark for a while. Their daddy is walking them. They are lucky to have a daddy that loves them and does not go off and leave them alone.

You are not planning on taking any more vacations without me, are you? I looked on the internet and found some doggie resorts. If you do, I might just check into one of those and take a vacation of my own next time. But I hope you will take me with you.

The dog sitter said she will never sit with me again. I don't know why.


Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
 
 



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