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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Vacation at Home....
 


Vacation at Home

It is not always necessary to go some place else to have a vacation. A vacation at home can provide a chance to relax and unwind, give you an opportunity to catch up on things you need to do, and save you a ton of money on food, gas, and motel bills.

Here are a few helpful suggestions from my personal experience:

Since you are home anyhow, it's a perfect time to take the car to the dealer for routine maintenance. Pay $382.46 for the defective valve they find - $382 for labor and 46 cents for the part.

Make a dental appointment for that tooth that's been nagging you. The dental bill is a mere $565 and the dental crown falls off as soon as you get home.

Decide to send your daughter on camping trip for an inexpensive getaway weekend. Pay $20 for camping fee, $40 for white water rafting charge and $229 for incidentals.

Vacation is a good chance to have minor home repairs done while you can be there to supervise. Call a repairman and learn that the living room floor has rotted and the front door needs to be replaced.

Call the termite inspector. Find out you have termites in spite of the $900 termite treatment you had last year.

Call lawn service to trim the shrubs. Find out the owner has gone on vacation for three weeks.

Calls six times about getting screens repaired and leave six voice mail messages. The contractor calls to say he will come Thursday or Friday; he's not sure what time -- but be sure to be at home.

Get a bid on having the house painted. After looking over the job, the painter will not submit a bid. Get another bid on having the house painted. After you hear the price, you wish the second painter had not submitted a bid either.

Withdraw your entire savings account and give it to the various service and repair people. If there is any money left, flush it down the toilet where the rest of your bank account went.

Look forward to spending some free time for rest and relaxation.

Wake up in the morning with a raging sore throat and stuffed up head. Go to local convenience clinic to get your sore throat treated. Find that you have a virus that will last 3-5 days, exactly the amount of vacation you have left.

Vow to forget your problems and plan a day of fun at the local spring festival. Find out your partner has been called in to work overtime on Saturday. Go to bed since you are sick, tired, and can't afford to do anything else.

Just as you fall asleep, the contractor shows up to fix the screens.

Go back to work and rejoice that your vacation is finally over and you can get some rest. Vow that next year you will go to Disney World, as it is much cheaper and less stressful than staying at home.


Copyright 2003-2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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