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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Fall Forward? Fall Back?....
 


Fall Forward?  Fall Back?

The other morning I had to get up 30 minutes earlier than usual.  Know what? It was dark that early in the morning!  I was shocked to realize that the days are getting shorter.  Until then I hadnít noticed since itís usually daylight by the time I leave for work.

Now that Daylight Saving Time has ended, we are back on good old standard time.  We will have more daylight in the morning - at least for a while - but afternoons will get shorter and shorter until there is none at all.

Instead of ranting, Iíll just point out a few of the more amusing
consequences of moving daylight in the evening to the morning: Letís see, itís Spring forward Ö Fall back, right?

You reset all the clocks, but your biological clock doesnít have a reset button.

Itís light in the morning, but depressingly dark by the time you get off work.  You wonder where the day went, as you sure didnít see any of it.

You forgot to set the coffeepot timer forward, so the coffee came on an hour early, went off an hour early, and the coffee is cold - a thrilling discovery in the blinding light of early dawn, standard time.

You spend 15 minutes turning the microwave off and on, trying to figure out how to set the clock.  Finally you decide who cares, microwaves donít need clocks anyhow, only timers.

You long ago gave up trying to reset the clock in your car and are shocked to see that it has the right time - which goes to show that we donít really need to change time to be right at least half of the time.

You forgot to turn back the clock at 2:00 am and got to church early.  You were astonished that you were the only one there and wonder if the world ended and you missed it.

The clock on your computer sets itself forward, niceÖ. but you forgot and did it again.  Now it looks like 8 oíclock, is actually 7 oíclock, and feels like 6 oíclock.

Some folks arrive for work an hour early because they forgot to fall back. Some folks arrive two hours early because they thought it is Spring backÖFall forward.   You can tell who they are because they are the grumpiest.

You canít remember whether you changed your wristwatch so you change it again, only to realize that you canít trust your watch either.  You have to call ďtime and temperatureĒ to find out what time it is.

The timer is wrong on the VCR so you miss half of the movie you were recording.  Of course, you donít realize this until youíve already watched the first half.

You should turn clocks 11 hours forward shouldnít you, instead of one hour back?   Thatís what all the clock experts say Ė but they donít say how to get the clock to stop chiming.

You decide daylight saving time is actually just a plot to confuse us by making us think we are saving energy. You are glad you donít have to save any more energy because you donít have much left to save.

You canít figure out why you are so tired when you got an extra hour of sleep.  Then you remember that you woke up by your biological clock instead of the time on the digital radio alarm.

You dream of moving to Arizona and wonder if you would feel better by not participating in this nonsense.  Of course, it could be worse.  In Indiana part of the state participates and part doesnít.

If I got some of these events backwards, donít be surprised.  It only goes to show that like everyone else Ė Iím confused!


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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