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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Swine Flu....
 


You might have Swine Flu if...

We've been hearing a lot in the news about a disease called swine flu. Laughter is always the best medicine for flu or any other illness.  From the funny farm, these are the symptoms: 

YOU MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU IF. . .   

* You always pig out at food bars. 

* You got a traffic ticket for being a road hog. 

* You only go to work to bring home the bacon. 

* You call your bathtub the wallowing hole. 

* Looney Tunes offers you a movie contract. 

* You are worried about whether pork is the real white meat. 

* People think you are snooty. 

* You have a jar for bacon drippings on your dresser. 

* You keep your valuables in a lard bucket. 

* Your breath smells like bacon frying. 

* You sizzle when you suntan at the beach. 

* You are married to a male chauvinist pig. 

* You sleep like a pig in a blanket. 

* The butcher asked to take your pulse. 

* Your favorite movie is Babe. 

* Your favorite book is Olivia the Pig. 

* Barbeque restaurants make you nervous. 

* Your mother's name is Miss Piggy. 

* You keep the baby in a pigpen. 

* Your vehicle of choice is a Harley Hog. 

* You like to ride piggy-back. 

* You are developing a sizable pot-belly. 

* You believe in a high-fat diet. 

* Your hair is braided into pig tails. 

* Your favorite pass time is mud wrestling. 

* Your favorite sports team is the Razorbacks. 

* You refer to your kids as the three little pigs. 

* Jimmy Dean wants to adopt you. 

* You are exercising to get rid of your ham hocks. 

* You speak perfect Pig Latin. 

* Your fur coat has a curly tail. 

* You snort when you laugh. 

* You buy your groceries at Piggly-Wiggly. 

* You wear a ring in your nose.   

* You are living too high on the hog. 

* Your kids are named Portia and Porky. 

* Your kitchen looks like a pig sty.  

* You actually went shopping for pig in a poke. 

* You call your shoe rack the family tree. 

* You eat mash for breakfast instead of cereal. 

* You love mud pack facials. 

* You have gravy stains on the front of your clothes.  

* You refer to leftovers as pig slop.  

* You keep your money in a piggy bank. 

* Your dream is to live in hog heaven. 

* Your house is mortgaged with Frosty Morn. 

* You think of vacations as, "When pigs fly". 

* You've gone hog-wild on MySpace. 

* Your favorite quotation is "That's all folks!"  


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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