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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Super Size...
 


Iím Not Fat, Iím Super Size

Did you read the news this week about how obesity will soon be the leading cause of preventable death? Yeah, 425,000 deaths this year and 500,000 projected for next year.

Here I thought I was being really smart by not smoking and remembering to fasten my seat belt. but now theyíve turned the tables on me. If smoking does not do me in, Iíll be done in by my very own fat.

Whatís a couch potato to do? Do you suppose Iím actually going to have to get off my bottom and exercise? Sweat? I much prefer setting in front of a computer and reading about exercise. The mere thought of exercise out wears me out.

Wasnít it enough of a shock when McDonaldís quit super sizing their fries? Now, I suppose, I not only canít have super size, but I really should not be having any size. Iím supposed lay off the junk food and eat more healthy food Ė gross stuff like vegetables and skim milk.

Iíll admit Iíve put on a few pounds in the wrong places lately, but I was hoping no one would notice. And if they did, I was hoping they would be too polite to mention it. Now here it is on the front page of the paper. The whole world knows that big buns come from bad diet and lack of exercise. Itís downright humiliating.

Of course, itís not as if I donít know better. Itís just the snacks and extras that are killing me. Oh, gosh, I said it again. They really ARE killing me! Itís not just a figure of speech any more.

Maybe I should just get out that aerobic exercise video and dust it off if I can find it. It did have some pretty good exercises on it. That might be better that walking since itís easy for me to find an excuse not to walk Ė itís too cold, too hot, raining, or dark. The weather nearly always cooperates to help keep me fat.

But heart attack, diabetes, stroke? I donít like the sound of it. Maybe I should skip that ice cream after dinner and those weekend breakfasts at Cholesterol Barrel. Itís gonna be hard. Iím too used to indulging myself and being lazy. And the longer I wait, the harder it seems to be to get started.

I need to do it. Itís do or die Ė er Ė thereís that word again! No more fried foods. Low fat dairy and yogurt instead of ice cream. I know what it takes. Itís just that I have this aversion to working out when Iíve already been working in all day,

I know all the good excuses. I canít help being overweight. Itís not what I eat; itís how my body metabolizes the food that matters. Going without food gives me a headache. I get tired. I get grouchy, and on and on. You donít buy it, huh? I didnít think so. Iíve let myself slip into bad habits, being too busy to eat right and too tired to exercise.

The thought of death by obesity is not a pleasant one, though, especially since itís preventable. Iím going to start tomorrow. Why not today? Well, maybe someone will come along with a magic pill to make people lose weight and stop smoking. In fact, there was another article right next to the first one. That sort of timing canít be a coincidence.

A new pill for those without willpower is expected to be released in two years. In the meantime, news reports say that the public will be educated that calories do count. Calorie counts will be shown on food products and nutritional values on restaurant menus. It seems there is a conspiracy to make us healthy and take away our fat grams. But a truly dedicated couch potato never gives up hope.

Okay, make mine a veggie burger and soy shake, and super size it!


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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