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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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SuperBowl Silly....
 


SuperBowl Silly

Well, itís that time again. Nerds beware! Itís the macho celebration of the year - SuperBowl weekend. Every year they do it - go nuts over football! The only good thing about it is that that it signals the end of another season. Soon we will have our absentee husbands and boyfriends back. We only hope that we will be able to pry that remote control out of their hand and that they have not gone into rigor mortis.

The media is hyping it up as usual. Every year they try to make a bigger deal over it than the year before. Of course, I donít really care myself since the Titans are out of it. The way things are supposed to work, they tell me, is that you are supposed to root for the division that your favorite team is in, even if your favorite team is not playing. 

That means Iím supposed to root for the Baltimore Ravens, which is the team that beat the Titans to knock them out of contention. What? No sore losers allowed? Well, okay, but I just have a hard time rooting for Ravens without thinking of Edgar Allen Poe.

This year it is SuperBowl XXXV. Why do they use Roman numerals? Are regular numbers not good enough for the SuperBowl? I have to stop and figure it out every time, ten, twenty, thirty, plus five. Roman numerals, guess it has something to do with gladiators, stadiums, or something of that sort. Anyhow, I wish they could just use regular numbers instead of all the Xís. A row of XXXís makes me feel as if I should be expecting something dirty.

Both teams have gathered in Tampa for a media week. The game gets a day, but the media get a week? Does that tell you something? Which reminds me, have you heard about the new cameras? They are supposed to be biggest thing since the instant replay. (And we though nothing could be better than instant replay.) 

They have cameras all around the top of the stadium to take pictures from every possible angle, which can show a continuous virtual reality type of picture -- sorta like stero with eyes. There are 33 cameras and each one cost $20,000. Wow, thatís about DCLX thousand dollars in Roman numerals, isnít it?

A lot of people still think college football is the most exciting, but others argue that nothing can beat the excitement of pro ball, and especially the SuperBowl which is the biggest of the pro games. The SuperBowl even has itís own Dot.Com site. On it you can buy a baseball cap with a favorite team logo for $25.99. Why a baseball cap? Well, they donít call it that, they call it a locker room hat, but it looks like a baseball cap to me. I canít remember the last time I was in a locker room, so I donít need one, thanks.

They say the teams are so evenly matched that it is almost impossible to predict a winner. That, of course, is right before they predict a winner. Bet that anyone in New Jersey or Baltimore could predict a winner. Why donít they just ask them? In Baltimore, the Washington Monument on Charles Street has been turned purple with floodlights. Bet you didnít even know Washington liked football, did you? You probably thought it was only the Kennedy clan.

Now they are even trying to convince us that women actually like football. Yeah, right! They have launched a new course, Football 101, to "educate" women on football Ė presumably men need no "education." They say that 40 million women will watch the SuperBowl and that 40% of football fans are women. 

They donít mention that men sit on the remote control and threaten violence so that women have no choice. Also, women have seen what those sexy cheerleaders look like. Do you actually think a woman would let her husband out of her sight at a real game? Talk about Temptation Island! Sure, women may SAY they like football, but they probably say they like Gatorade too.

I never watch the game myself, just the last 5 or 10 minutes. Thatís all anyone ever talks about anyhow. Yíall have fun! Hope your favorite team wins. Iíll probably just wear my Titanís sweatshirt from last year and be a sore loser.


Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
 
 



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