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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Sting....
 


The Sting

I know what you are thinking Ė a secret operation of some sort. Nope! This sting was the real McCoy, the kind that comes with an insect on the other end.

It was innocent, really. I simply wanted to hose off the patio with the garden hose, get rid of the dead leaves and stray crabapples that had fallen from the tree and were rolling around looking messy. How was I to know that a nest of wasps had turned my patio light into their own personal condominium?

Summer time, how I love it! Why is it that this seems to be my year for outdoor catastrophe? Maybe I need to check the almanac. Maybe I should just stay indoors for the rest of the season.

"Live and let live," I always say. I saw them there looking menacing, but I meant them no harm. They didnít seem angry and I held no animosity toward them. 

Well, okay, I did make a mental note to come back later with the aerosol bug spray, but I controlled my evil fantasy and stayed with the task at hand, gently removing the hose from itís parking place on the fence. The sun shone, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the wasps buzzed Ė all seemed right with the world.

Then it happened Ė the STING! One crazed wasp decided I was the enemy and declared war. YOUCH! This was a "king-size" wasp packing a powerful wallop. 

I made a gallant effort to be brave, but I was viciously wounded. And to add insult to injury, this venomous villain attacked and ambushed me from behind. Yes, right on my back side, like a mad Nurse Ratched with a shot of penicillin, it stung my bottom right through clothing and all. Iíve never been so humiliated by a bug in my life!

As long as one is not allergic to stings, there is not a great deal to be done. I didnít stop breathing, so I presume Iím one of the lucky people who are not allergic to stings. But, the pain - Wow, did it ever smart! Thereafter, the ice pack and a bottle of extra strength Tylenol became my sole source of solitude for a several days.

In recovery, I read up on wasps and found that wasps donít even give up their lives to sting. With bees, the venom bag is ripped from the abdomen when it stings; causing the insect's own death. A wasp, on the other hand, assaults, stings, and then goes on its merry way, back to making paper, spreading pollen, or whatever unfathomable reason wasps may have for existing in the world.

And so, Iím suffering along, wearing my red itchy badge of courage in a most embarrassing place. 

However, I did get my sinister revenge when eventually I foamed the nest from ten feet away with one of those special insecticide sprays purchased just for this particular pleasure. 

Wicked, I know, but one can only be kind to predators for so long. And, in this case, there was not even a remote possibility that I'd turn the other cheek.


Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
 
 



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