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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Senior Discounts...
 


Senior Discounts

Ever since I hit about 55, Iíve been getting mail from AARP wanting me to join. No, absolutely not!  I have this theory that if I donít admit to being old, it will stop the clock from ticking. 
 
Anyhow, I donít need a card to remind me Iím a senior.  Looking in the mirror is enough. Who in the world needs an AARP card to remind them they are over the hill?  If someone wants to give me a senior discount, why do I need an AARP card?  If the wrinkles are not proof enough, I have a driverís license.
 
I went to the eyeglasses place the other day because I broke my glasses.  Yes, I wear glasses, just like an old person.  The clerk wanted the phone number of my doctor to check my prescription, so I looked through all the cards in my wallet to try and find it.
 
ďDo you belong to AARP?Ē she asked.  ďI saw your Medicare card in your wallet.  I could give you a discount if you belong to AARP.Ē 
 
I can get a discount with an AARP card, but not a Medicare card?
 
ďI never would have guessed you were that old if I hadnít seen the card,Ē she explained. 
 
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
 
It so happens that I do belong to that AAA.  So, I got the discount -- not for belonging to AARP, but because AAA wants old people to be able to see how to drive, I suppose. 
 
Actually, Iíve never really understood the senior discount concept.  Why do old folks deserve to pay less just for still being alive? With all the baby-boomers reaching retirement age, pretty soon AARP and everyone else is going to be overwhelmed with old folks wanting discounts. 
 
The ďfixed incomeĒ concept doesnít hold water for me.  A lot of people are on a fixed income and a lot of people are worse off than seniors, but they donít get a break on prices.  Why are we rewarded for getting senile?
 
Kroger gives us a senior discount, but only on Wednesday.  If you must be old, you should be sure to do it on the right day. I canít remember to go grocery shopping on the right day of the week, so I go where they give low prices to everyone all the timeÖ or at least they say they do.
 
I like to go thrift shopping at Goodwill and they also give senior discounts unless the item is on sale and already marked down.  The other day when I asked for a senior discount at the cash register, they carded me.  I was flattered. When I went there yesterday, however, it was senior double discount day.  Iím slipping fast. 
 
Speaking of getting carded, when I buy cigarettes at Walgreen, I always get carded.  I donít smoke, but sometimes my daughter asks me to pick up a pack for her.  They card everyone there.  I always show them my driverís license and say, ďAm I too old to smoke?Ē 
 
Some restaurants give discounts to seniors, but you usually have to order a special meal.  That's the deal at IHOP, where I always order a senior breakfast.  It is smaller and had less food, so Iím not sure you were really saving any money. 
 
Now senior discounts for movies, and entertainment events are good deals.  I always ask if they give senior discounts on tickets.  You can save a bundle at Dollywood.  Of course, they probably have to give old folks discounts to bribe them to come to an amusement park.  
 
Movies have never asked me for an AARP card, or an AAA card, or a driverís license or a Medicaid card.  I suppose they think no one would claim to be over the hill just to get in cheap.  

You donít possibly suppose I could look my age to them, do you?


Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss

 
 



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