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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Winter Weather Bulletin....
 


SEVERE WINTER WEATHER BULLETIN

Issued by The National Weather Service -Jan 2010


... Light snow today then an arctic blast late tonight ... An arctic blast is similar to a sonic blast but does not come in four flavors... Get your magnifying glass ready as we could have a snowflake... or two.

An arctic cold front in Missouri is pushing southeastward... Missouri is not in the arctic, but cold fronts do not worry about such minor details... Light snow ahead of the cold front has been reported by Snowbird and the TV weather channel, where we get our best information... as well as by several school bus drivers who want the day off...

Temperatures behind the arctic front have dropped into the single digits locally... As the cold air moves in, temperatures will drop to around -5 degrees by tomorrow night. Do not attempt to go ice skating until the ice is much thicker... We tried it and lost a TV weather person earlier today...
 
The bitter cold will continue through the weekend before a gradual warm up... We know the cold is bitter because a weatherman caught snowflakes on his tongue to test it.. Residents should take precautions to protect life and property form the bitter cold... unless you need a dead battery in your car as an excuse to take off from work...

The National Weather Service has issued a wind chill advisory... which is in effect from 6 AM today until 6 AM tomorrow... If you hurry, you will still have time to make it to Kroger for bread and milk... A winter weather advisory remains in effect until 6 PM this evening or until the Weather Service gives up all hope, whichever comes first...

 * Timing... Snow accumulation expected through mid afternoon... May we suggest carrying a snow brush and ice scraper as there is always the possibility that we could be right for a change...

* Main Impact... One inch snowfall expected... Travel problems and delays can be expected across the mid state since southerners have no idea how to drive in snow... whether there is one inch or six...

* Other impacts... Since we had to back down on the six inches of snow predicted earlier (drat it), we are happy to have something else to rant about... Wind chill value Friday and Friday night will fall to five degrees below zero... That is freeze-your-buns-off cold, in case you don't know... Wind chill advisory is in effect Friday and Friday night, so if you have any plans, cancel them and make a pot of five alarm chili instead...

Precautionary/Preparedness Actions...

A winter weather advisory means that periods of snow will cause travel difficulties... Be prepared for slippery roads and limited visibilities... and use caution while driving... If you are incapable of using caution, stay out of the way of the other drivers who probably are not using caution either...

A wind chill advisory means that very cold air and strong winds will combine to generate low wind chills... Wind chill is different than temperature, so don't get mixed up about it... Wind chill will result in frost bite and lead to hypothermia if precautions are not taken... This means stay inside... If you must venture outdoors, make sure you wear a hat and gloves... Also wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident and have to go to the hospital... (Our mother made us say this...)

Thank you for reading this severe weather advisory from the National Weather Service... This report has been translated into a readable format since weather people do not know how to use the shift key and must write in ALL CAPS... If it is snowing where you are, send in the pictures so we will know what to predict in our next weather advisory... 


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
 
 



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