Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
I Know a Short Cut
has sometimes been said that men get lost because they refuse to stop
and ask for directions. However, the GPS and directions from a cell
phone have now made it possible for men to avoid the embarrassment of
asking and make it possible to find a destination without getting
Now if we could only find a gadget to get men not take shortcuts.
Regardless of where you want to go, if a man is driving, he will
always know a shortcut. My dad used to drive me crazy with his
shortcuts on back roads through bad areas. I never felt the small
amount of gas or time saved was worth the risk. But try to convince
any man that following the normal and expected route to anywhere is
the best way to get there.
When I would go to visit my parents as an adult, dad always tried to
help me get back home quicker by suggesting a short cut that he knew
about. I learned to listen to his suggestions and then go my own way,
which was usually far easier and I didn't end up with getting lost.
I thought for a long time that this was only something my dad did, but
I've found out that my honey is the same way. Who could believe that
more than one person would be inclined to take ridiculous short cuts
that take longer and are probably further in the long run.
When I want to go to the pharmacy and Morris is driving, I can be
certain that the drive will involve a trip through the parking lot and
behind the Publix supermarket. "Why are we going this way instead
of using the road?" I ask, as if I didn't know. "This way is
shorter and I don't have to wait for the red light," he says, as
if one red light is not better than a trip though the loading docks
and trash bins of a shopping center.
In my opinion, you never save time by cutting through a parking lot.
Morris is of a different opinion. He goes out of his way to take short
cuts, such as cutting through the parking lot of Wal-Mart to get to
Fazoli's instead of just staying on the road. "I don't have to
make a left turn if I go this way,” he says.
I suppose making a left turn could be considered dangerous when there
is no light, but cutting through a parking lot seems more dangerous to
me as there is always the possibility someone will back out while you
are cutting behind them, and you have to slow down for pedestrians
with shopping carts too.
I think the short cut that irritates me the most is encountered when
we are taking one of the animals to the veterinarian. Instead of
continuing on the main road to the light and turning right, he turns
right at the school, and left and right and left again to cut through
a subdivision. With the numerous stop signs and turns, it could not
possibly be shorter, much less faster.
When I drive, he tries to tell me how to go. "You should turn
here," he says, pointing to some obscure side road. "You go
your way when you drive, and I will go mine when I'm driving," is
I think that all the years of absurd short cuts is starting to wear me
down. Could it be that women are becoming as bad as men? Today I was
taking my daughter to the doctor. "I know where it is," she
said. "We can use the GPS on my cell phone. The GPS says to go to
"I'm not going all the way to Exit 72," I replied. "We
can go the back way taking 840 -- I know a short cut."
Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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