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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Short Cut....
 


I Know a Short Cut

It has sometimes been said that men get lost because they refuse to stop and ask for directions. However, the GPS and directions from a cell phone have now made it possible for men to avoid the embarrassment of asking and make it possible to find a destination without getting lost.

Now if we could only find a gadget to get men not take shortcuts. Regardless of where you want to go, if a man is driving, he will always know a shortcut. My dad used to drive me crazy with his shortcuts on back roads through bad areas. I never felt the small amount of gas or time saved was worth the risk. But try to convince any man that following the normal and expected route to anywhere is the best way to get there.

When I would go to visit my parents as an adult, dad always tried to help me get back home quicker by suggesting a short cut that he knew about. I learned to listen to his suggestions and then go my own way, which was usually far easier and I didn't end up with getting lost.

I thought for a long time that this was only something my dad did, but I've found out that my honey is the same way. Who could believe that more than one person would be inclined to take ridiculous short cuts that take longer and are probably further in the long run.

When I want to go to the pharmacy and Morris is driving, I can be certain that the drive will involve a trip through the parking lot and behind the Publix supermarket. "Why are we going this way instead of using the road?" I ask, as if I didn't know. "This way is shorter and I don't have to wait for the red light," he says, as if one red light is not better than a trip though the loading docks and trash bins of a shopping center.

In my opinion, you never save time by cutting through a parking lot. Morris is of a different opinion. He goes out of his way to take short cuts, such as cutting through the parking lot of Wal-Mart to get to Fazoli's instead of just staying on the road. "I don't have to make a left turn if I go this way, he says.

I suppose making a left turn could be considered dangerous when there is no light, but cutting through a parking lot seems more dangerous to me as there is always the possibility someone will back out while you are cutting behind them, and you have to slow down for pedestrians with shopping carts too.

I think the short cut that irritates me the most is encountered when we are taking one of the animals to the veterinarian. Instead of continuing on the main road to the light and turning right, he turns right at the school, and left and right and left again to cut through a subdivision. With the numerous stop signs and turns, it could not possibly be shorter, much less faster.

When I drive, he tries to tell me how to go. "You should turn here," he says, pointing to some obscure side road. "You go your way when you drive, and I will go mine when I'm driving," is my reply.

I think that all the years of absurd short cuts is starting to wear me down. Could it be that women are becoming as bad as men? Today I was taking my daughter to the doctor. "I know where it is," she said. "We can use the GPS on my cell phone. The GPS says to go to Exit 72B."

"I'm not going all the way to Exit 72," I replied. "We can go the back way taking 840 -- I know a short cut."


Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
 
 



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