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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Savings Place...
 


The Savings Place

Itís Friday at last and time for the weekend. I donít know why Iím so happy about it. Friday means tomorrow is Saturday, and time to buy groceries again. I buy my groceries at Wal-Mart. There are plenty of perfectly good grocery stores, but they donít have all the other stuff that I need. No sense in making two trips, I always say.

I usually try to go early on Saturday morning before everyone else gets there. The trouble is, everyone else has the same idea. I probably would be better off to wait until about midnight, but I want to get it over with, just like everyone else.

The little old lady who stands at the door always has a row of buggies lined up. Proper Wal-Mart manners require that you take the one at the front of the line. If itís raining, you have to wait for her to wipe off the buggies that just came from outside, so you donít get your hands wet.

Iíve been there so many times that I have the fastest route mapped out in my head. Make a left and rush by the candy row as fast as you can so you are not tempted. Try not to look at the fresh flower display either or you will end up adding them to the grocery bill as well.

Make a beeline to the drug section, stopping at the first row for aspirin, and then whipping around the back to grab shampoo or whatever else is on the list from that area. Hopefully, I wonít need any toothpaste or vitamins, as it is easy to get sidetracked on those rows and start looking around.

Back to the center aisle as fast the wheels will roll. I donít look at the cosmetics as I pass, too expensive. I make a quick left at the center aisle and head for the back of the store grabbing dishwasher soap, detergent or whatever I need. I try not to pass the room deodorizers, as they smell so good that itís really hard to resist them.

Down the pet food aisle, grabbing my kittyís groceries for the week. The cat eats better than I do. Make a fast right and return to the front where the produce is. Ah, ha! Made it to the food. Good for me. Get only whatís on the list and try not to pick up anything extra. They really make those red apple displays look pretty, donít they?

Bread goes in the cartís kiddy seat where it wonít get squashed. Canned goods, juice, and paper goods are next. I canít resist the cola, so I grab a pack from the big display. Down the dairy and milk aisle and back to the meat counter, which runs down the side of the store and takes me back to the front. Turn right and get the frozen foods last so they donít defrost.

They put the snacks in a little section all their own instead of with the other groceries. Pretty clever. To get crackers I have to run the course where the chips, dips, cookies and other goodies are. Good thing I have resistance. After I make it past the sweets, Iím home free and ready for checkout.

Naturally, all the people from the parking lot finished before I did and are already waiting in line. I donít why I was in such a hurry to shop, but finally it is my turn. The cashier scans the items and puts them in the blue plastic bags. 

She rings up the final bill, fifty dollars for food, and a hundred for fresh flowers, candy, pet toys, panty hose, a room deodorizer,
nail polish, face cream, a Sponge Bob video, kitty litter, car wax, light bulbs, dishtowels, plastic storage bowls, and a hair dryer.

Thatís why I like to shop at the discount places; groceries are cheaper so I really save money. 

I donít know how all that other stuff got into my basket.


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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