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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Rules of the Road....
 


Rules of the Road in Tennessee

Drive a pick-up truck or SUV. They are bigger than the other cars on the road and you can see how to drive faster. A pick-up is really best as you never know when you might want to haul junk or something.

Drive with your bright lights on, especially when following a smart aleck in a sports car. You have to be able to see where you are going, don't you?

If the a traffic light turns yellow, accelerate to get through it before it changes to red so you won't have to stop.

Never use a signal light to change lanes. The other cars will think you are going to turn left in front of  them and slam on their brakes.

Always tailgate. If you leave any space, someone might get ahead of you.

Always exceed the speed limit to avoid getting rear ended.

If traffic is stopped on the Interstate, it is okay to drive on the shoulder of the road and get off at the next exit.

If you change your mind about getting on the Interstate or miss the exit, use the shoulder of the road to back up. That's what it's for. 

Never expect salt on the road when it snows. Salt costs money. It's every one for themselves under hazardous conditions, another good reason to own a 4-wheel drive vehicle.

Never stay home because you don't know how to drive in snow. Get out as soon as possible and see how bad it is. 

Semi trucks with double trailers should always drive in the left-hand passing lane as they are in a bigger hurry than everyone else.

Gasoline tankers should drive as fast as possible through urban areas so they will endanger public safety for a shorter period of time.

Never slow down or brake until you have to in order to avoid wearing out your brakes. Also, use your windshield wipers on low speed to keep from wearing them out.

Slow down and rubberneck if there is construction equipment on the side of the road to see if you can tell how much longer it will be until they are finished.

If there is an accident, slow down or stop and take a really good look to show everybody how glad you are that it is someone else and not you.

If the road narrows down and number of lanes decreases, drive as fast as you can in the lane that is ending and dart in front of someone at the last minute. You can always bluff them.

Out of state drivers and tourists deserve no special consideration just because they are not familiar with the road. Cut them off, if possible, and teach them to stay out of your way next time.

Never drive with the flow of traffic. Weave in and out and use all available lanes to prove how good you can drive.

Make the most of your commute time by smoking, drinking coffee, eating, adjusting the gadgets on the dashboard, talking on your cell phone, or applying makeup while you drive. Just try to keep one hand on the wheel most of the time.

Drive a bit under the speed limit in the HOV or passing lane. That is fast enough and it will teach everyone else to slow down.

Never slow down or allow traffic to merge in front of you. Getting on the Interstate or changing lanes is their problem. Let them outrun you - if they think they can.

Remember, be aggressive and don't let people run over you. It isn't your fault they don't know how to drive.


Copyright 1999 Sheila Moss
 
 



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