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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Redneck Wedding....
 


It Might Be a Redneck Wedding...

In spring we feel young, alive. Thoughts just naturally seem to turn to romance and marriage. We might even receive an invitation to a wedding. Here in the South, we have wedding ceremonies too, just like everywhere else. Well, maybe not exactly like everyone else. Some of our weddings might be just a tad different, but probably not enough you would even notice the difference unless you are watching.

  • It might be a redneck wedding... 

  • If the groom is wearing a bowling shirt

  • If the bride wears a crop top so her tattoo will show

  • If the bride’s hair is bigger than her veil

  • If the bride carries a bouquet of artificial flowers

  • If the bride maids have fringe on their skirts and vests

  • If the wedding is delayed because the groom’s truck wouldn’t start

  • If the bride’s father brings a shotgun to the wedding

  • If the wedding march is played on dueling banjos

  • If the friends of the groom TP the church

  • If the decorations include any pink flamingo

  • If the best man is wearing a baseball cap

  • If the preacher has sideburns and wide lapels

  • If they throw corn at the couple instead of rice

  • If the musical selections include Loretta Lynn or George Jones

  • If the photographer is using a disposable camera from Wal-Mart

  • If the groom’s men have western boots and sequins on their shirts

  • If the reception is held at the local waffle house

  • If the hor dourves include pork skins and bean dip

  • If guests play pinball machines or shoot pool at the reception

  • If there is a jug in the backroom

  • If the wedding gifts include hubcaps, ammunition, or IOUs

  • If the wedding buffet includes pork barbecue and toothpicks

  • If the getaway car is a pickup truck with Pabst beer cans tied behind it

  • If the wedding announcement is in the free advertiser newspaper

  • If the couple plans to honeymoon in Branson, Mo.

  • If the newlyweds will reside in a mobile home

  • If the groom gives chewing tobacco for wedding favors

  • If the bride does too


Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
 
 



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