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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Redneck Calendar....
 



The Redneck Calendar

January 1- New Year's Day
Bring in the New Year with black-eyed peas and ham hocks. Eating black-eyed peas brings money and good luck. The ham hocks just make 'em taste better!

February 2 - Groundhog Day
Target Practice Day - We don't mess around with ground hogs or other varmints.

February 10 - Super Bowl
Southerners love their football! College football is preferred, but it is possible to get worked up for the Super Bowl with enough beer and a Southern team in contention.

February 12 - Lincoln's Birthday
Southerners don't celebrate this one. He was born in Kentucky, but later turned Yankee.

February 14 - Valentine Day
Don't forget to go by the drugstore and get your honey a heart-shaped box of candy with a plastic flower on top to let her know how much you think of her.

February 22 - Washington's Birthday
Another Dead President's Day. He was officially Southern, but not a good ol' boy. Those ruffles and wigs ain't country...

March 17 - St. Patrick's Day
Many Southerners are Scotch Irish. Those who are not claim to be and have another good excuse to drink beer.

March 23 - Easter
Easter Bunny Day - Everyone should get "slicked up" and go church at least once a year whether they need to or not. 

May 11 - Mother's Day
Be sure to call your mama or get her a card to thank her for birthin' you.

May 26 - Memorial Day
First holiday weekend of summer - Good time to take the boat and go to the lake.

June 16 - Father's Day
Get Pop some Red Man chewin' tobacco.

July 4 - Independence Day
Beer and firecrackers - Careful with the latter if you've had too much of the former. 

September 1 - Labor Day 
Last weekend of summer - Another good time to take the boat and go to the lake.

October 13- Columbus Day 
Last holiday to go fishing before cold weather.

October 31 - Halloween
Tradition is to play pranks and turn over the outhouse. Unfortunately, there are not many outhouses left these days, and this time-honored tradition is mostly a nostalgic memory. 

November 11 - Veteran's Day 
Drink beer and watch a patriotic movie on television to show appreciation for veterans.

November 27 - Thanksgiving
Good day to take out the dogs and pickup truck and go rabbit hunting. 

December 25 - Christmas
Get in the spirit by decorating the house with flashing lights inside and out. Make fruit cake and soak it in whiskey. Put up a pine tree and decorate it. Wrap up the presents from Wal-Mart. Light fire in fireplace. (Important: Remember to open damper first this year.)  Celebrate early and try to get rid of the visiting relatives before they get drunk on fruitcake. 

December 31 - New Year's Eve
Drink and shoot fireworks. If you don't have any fireworks, just shoot the shotgun in the air at midnight.

 


Copyright 1999-2006 Sheila Moss

 
 



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