January 1-
New Year's Day
Bring in the New Year with black-eyed peas and ham hocks. Eating black-eyed peas brings money and good luck. The ham hocks just
make 'em taste better!
February 2 -
Groundhog Day
Target Practice Day - We don't mess around with ground hogs or other varmints.
February 10 - Super Bowl
Southerners love their football! College football is preferred, but it is
possible to get worked up for the Super Bowl with enough beer and a
Southern team in contention.
February 12 -
Lincoln's Birthday
Southerners don't celebrate this one. He was born in Kentucky, but later turned Yankee.
February 14 -
Valentine Day
Don't forget to go by the drugstore and get your honey a heart-shaped box of candy with a plastic flower on top to let her know how much you think of her.
February 22 -
Washington's Birthday
Another Dead President's Day. He was officially Southern, but not a good ol' boy. Those ruffles and wigs
ain't country...
March 17 -
St. Patrick's Day
Many Southerners are Scotch Irish. Those who are not claim to be and have another good excuse to drink beer.
March 23 -
Easter
Easter Bunny Day - Everyone should get "slicked up" and go church at least once a year whether they need to or not.
May 11 -
Mother's Day
Be sure to call your mama or get her a card to thank her for birthin' you.
May 26 -
Memorial Day
First holiday weekend of summer - Good time to take the boat and go to the lake.
June 16 -
Father's Day
Get Pop some Red Man chewin' tobacco.
July 4 -
Independence Day
Beer and firecrackers - Careful with the latter if you've had too much of the former.
September 1 -
Labor Day
Last weekend of summer - Another good time to take the boat and go to the lake.
October 13- Columbus Day
Last holiday to go fishing before cold weather.
October 31 -
Halloween
Tradition is to play pranks and turn over the outhouse. Unfortunately, there are not many outhouses left these days, and this time-honored tradition is mostly a nostalgic memory.
November 11 -
Veteran's Day
Drink beer and watch a patriotic movie on television to show appreciation for
veterans.
November 27 -
Thanksgiving
Good day to take out the dogs and pickup truck and go rabbit hunting.
December 25 -
Christmas
Get in the spirit by decorating the house with flashing lights inside and out. Make fruit cake and soak it in whiskey. Put up a pine tree and decorate it. Wrap up the presents from
Wal-Mart. Light fire in fireplace. (Important: Remember to open damper first
this year.) Celebrate early and try to get rid of the visiting relatives before they get drunk on fruitcake.
December 31 -
New Year's Eve
Drink and shoot fireworks. If you don't have any fireworks,
just shoot the shotgun in the air at midnight.
