Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
to republish an
article, please contact her. It's that easy.
Follow her on
Follow me on Facebook
Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall
Online Since 1999
has arrived, time for falling leaves, apple cider, and especially for those
orange orbs that seem to invade all aspects of life at this time of year…
pumpkins. I think pumpkins are great as a fall decoration and make a lovely
jack-o-lantern. But pumpkins are not content to remain where they belong. They
have jumped the garden wall.
Case in point: We went out for pancakes for breakfast last week. What was the
breakfast menu special? Pumpkin pancakes, what else. I don't think so. I tried
them once, and I really am not so fond of pumpkin that I want it in my pancakes,
or my cereal, or muffin, or in pumpkin spice cream cheese on a bagel.
Now, Peter in the children's nursery rhyme was a pumpkin eater, at least
according to legend. He may have been fond of pumpkin, but between us, I don't
even like pumpkin pie, especially not with pumpkin whipped cream on it.
Pumpkin has even assaulted the coffee menu at Starbucks with a pumpkin spice
latte. It has been recently revealed, that this coffee has no actual pumpkin; it
is only a pumpkin flavoring that makes it taste as if it has pumpkin. In a way
that is even worse. Artificial pumpkin is like a plastic jack-o-lantern.
Pumpkin is baked into almost anything you can think of now, cupcakes,
cheesecakes, and cookies. There is even a pumpkin-flavored peanut butter. For
some unfathomable reason, fall just isn't festive without pumpkin in almost any
food you can think of.
Google your favorite food and add pumpkin. There is almost nothing you can find
that is not available in some sort of pumpkin version. I searched for pumpkin
spaghetti and found all kinds of pumpkin pasta and casseroles. I suppose it is
not that big a leap from vegetable spaghetti if you think about it.
Pumpkin dessert pizza comes complete with a jack-o-lantern face; pumpkin
ice-cream is only available in October. How about a pumpkin veggie burger slider
drizzled with honey? Do you want fries with that -- pumpkin fries, that is.
Well, they make fries from sweet potatoes, don't they? What did you expect?
Not only has pumpkin overrun every aspect of the human culinary world, it is
even found in pet food. It is good for an animal's digestion the label says. I
have a feeling it is also good for the pocketbooks of pumpkin farmers. My dog
will eat about anything if it thinks it is a treat, or if it is buried deep
enough in something that is meat flavored.
Not only have pumpkin people taken over the kitchen, they have also invaded the
world of health and beauty. You can bath with pumpkin scented soap, wash your
hair with pumpkin shampoo, soften your skin with pumpkin lotion, give yourself a
pumpkin and sugar facial, squirt a bit of pumpkin cologne behind your ear, dab
on a bit of orange pumpkin lipstick and finish your beauty routine with pumpkin
scented-feminine hygiene products.
If it can be scented, it can be made to smell like a pumpkin. Scent the air with
a pumpkin-spice air freshener or light a pumpkin scented candle for a romantic
evening. It's enough to drive you to drink -- if it wasn't for pumpkin-flavored
Somehow this lowly orange fruit has taken over our common sense. I am content to
confine pumpkins to fall decorations for the front porch. I do not want pumpkins
in my kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, or anywhere else in my house. I do not want to
roast pumpkin-flavored marshmallows, make turkey pumpkin chili, or smell like
I'm married to a pumpkin pie.
Get thee back to the pumpkin patch, orange gourd. Fall has been commercialized
to the point of ad nauseam. Enough pumpkin is enough, even for Peter.
Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
$5.00 + $4 shipping
Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping