Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
to republish an
article, please contact her. It's that easy.
Follow her on
Follow me on Facebook
Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall
Online Since 1999
||The Pizza Place....
The Pizza Place
partner likes to eat out. He is supposed to be on a diet, so I suspect
that he just likes to eat out as an excuse to eat food he is not
supposed to have.
The other night, as usual, he asked me if I wanted to eat out. I was
so tired after working all day that I said, "Why don't we just
eat at home tonight?" So, we went home. About the time we got
inside the door, I realized that I really didn't want to cook, and I
really didn't want to eat a frozen dinner either.
"Can I change my mind about eating out?" I asked.
His eyes lit up! "Sure," he said.
Then came the usual question, "Where do you want to eat?"
"I don't care," I replied. So, he headed down the
Interstate. I had a feeling he was going someplace I didn't want to
go, like a sushi bar or a place where we would have to wait forever. I
just wanted something simple.
"Pizza would be good," I mused. "But, I don't know any
place to get pizza except carry-out." What I meant was something
simple like a pizza would be good. Men do not understand subtle hints.
Men take everything literally.
"Okay, we will go back and get carryout," he said, pulling
into the turn lane.
"No, wait! I don't want carryout, I want to eat out!"
He was getting aggravated. "Why, didn't you say so before I got
in the turn lane?"
"I didn't say to turn, I just said pizza would be good."
He managed to get out of the turn lane and back on the road without
wrecking the car.
"I think I know a place."
By then I figured I'd best keep quiet and eat sushi pizza, or whatever
He pulled into a parking lot where there was a pizza store. We got out
and went to the door. Wouldn't you know, it was carryout only? We
turned around and left.
"We can eat something besides pizza," I ventured.
He went to another strip mall. I was afraid to ask why. Then I saw a
restaurant with "Pizza" written on the window. "There's
a pizza place!" I exclaimed.
We had never been to this place before, but it looked okay. We were
shown to a table and given a menu. "Have you been here
before?" asked the waitress.
"No," we admitted.
"I suggest the specialty pizzas," she said. "You get
eight toppings and the price is cheaper." That sounded good to
us, so he ordered an 8-inch veggie special and a lite beer. (He's on a
diet.) I got another one of the specialties, minus the olives.
"Our pizzas are not like the ones they have at other pizza
stores," she said. "They are like the ones up north."
Sure, we thought. That's what they all say. My partner thinks that the
only place you can get good pizza is in the north because he is from
I was just happy because there was no sushi at all on the menu.
Anyhow, the pizza came and it was absolutely delicious -- best pizza
I've had in ages. My partner gulped his down. The waitress, evil
woman, then came and waved a dish of specialty cheesecakes under his
"They are made with artificial sweetener," she said. That,
was all he needed to hear. He ordered dessert. "But, it's
sugar-free," he explained to me when I frowned.
In spite of a few mistakes, dinner turned out okay - not counting the
crashed diet, of course.
"Next time I'm getting a 10-inch pie!" said
Next time I'm not going to suggest pizza.
Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
$5.00 + $4 shipping
Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping