Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
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for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
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Online Since 1999
||Pie In Your Face....
Pie In Your Face
other day I received an email about something I've just been dying to know more
about - pie. It seems that a large hotel chain decided that pie would be the
perfect touch to make guests feel more at home away from home and they hired a
company to do an annual survey. After all, what could possibly be more
comforting than a pie in the restaurant oven, or a cinnamon scented lobby?
In order to make the survey more interesting, they came up they came up with the
creative idea of asking what kind of pie people like. To no one's surprise,
apple pie is still the all-time favorite of those surveyed. I looked eagerly for
my personal favorite, but found berry pie is at the bottom of the list.
Blackberry pie is apparently one of the big losers and didn't get a mention.
After all the blackberries I've picked while fighting chiggers and briars for
every berry too.
One of the "runner-up" pies was chocolate. I always thought the second
most favorite was cherry. Didn't you? Things have apparently really
changed since George Washington's days. To try and explain chocolate's
popularity, the survey said chocolate pie is considered romantic. So, next year
look for Cupid to arrive with a chocolate pie in your face.
Other than apple pie and chocolate, people in the survey favored pecan. That's
just nuts. if you'll pardon the expression. What about good old coconut cream
like my grandmother used to make? Just show me a southerner that doesn't love
coconut cream pie and I'll show you a Yankee!
The survey says that 30% of women feel they bake a better pie than their mother
or grandmother. People actually bake pies? Who wants to heat up the kitchen in
the summer baking pies? I think we should leave pie baking to the bakeries,
myself. I can do enough smoke damage to my kitchen just trying to brown a frozen
The trouble with making homemade pie is this horrible substance involved that is
called pastry. Pastry is made from a combination of flour, shortening, and
liquid. Notice the resemblance to children's play dough. The filling, on the
other hand, is incidental and can be almost anything, fruit, nuts, pudding or
even something as unsavory as rhubarb. I do not understand why pastry has to be
what makes a pie a pie.
Anyhow, if you stay at the hotel, as you will not have to make pie. They will
give you free pie and room service pie afterwards. Obviously, the price of the
room is incidental as long as we don't have to bake. I'm not sure where the
hotel gets their "award-winning" pies but probably they have a pastry
chef who speaks French and makes children's play dough at home in his spare
In case you are wondering, I really have nothing against the number two, pecan
pie. We have many pecan trees in the south, so it doesn't cost a fortune for
nuts as it would if you had to buy pecans at the store. However, you will have
to crack them and pick them out of the shell without getting the bitter part of
the nut mixed in. We also have a pie in the south called chess pie, which is
sort of like a pecan pie without any pecans. After picking nuts one time, you
will know why it is popular.
After re establishing that apple pie is the all time America favorite, the
survey went weird with details we would rather not know, like how many men eat
pie in their underwear and what percentage of people eat pie in bed, or with
their hands. Are they worried about the extra laundry?
My dilemma now is that I just keep wondering how many of the respondents to the
survey filled it out while in their underwear?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Special thanks to
Russell Research, Four Points by Sheraton, and the American Pie Council for
allowing me to have some fun with their promotion.
Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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