Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
My honey is behaving obsessively again. He
gets a party or social occasion on his mind that he wants to go to
and absolutely drives me crazy about it until it is over.
It doesn't have to be anything major or even important. It
just has to be something he wants to do.
For example, last week he told me we were invited to a wedding.
"Whose?" I asked, as I couldnít think of anyone we
"Angela's daughter and her finance."
"Somebody I work with."
"Okay, we can go." It didnít seem like a big
deal to me. We just pick up a gift sometime between now and
then and show up. It's not for a month. We don't really know them. Something could even come up between now
and then. Of course, it would have to be a hurricane,
earthquake, or forest fire. Even then, he would probably
want to go.
He obsessed about it for a week. I heard him tell two or
three people that we were invited to a wedding. It's just
somebody's daughter at work, not someone close, not even someone
we know, for Pete's sake! I would think there was something
going on with Angela if I didnít know that he always obsesses
about small stuff.
Later, he decided we needed to go get the gift.
"But itís not for three more weeks! We have plenty of
"They are registered!"
"Good, that makes it easier. You just go buy something.
Sometimes the store will even wrap it free if the bride is registered."
"Do you want to go?" he asked, with one foot out the
door already. I knew he would not shut up about it until he got
Now, ninety-nine men out of a hundred would be thinking of ways to
get out of going and would pick up a gift on the way to the church
if they could not come up with a good reason not to go. Why
do I have the only man out of a hundred that has to plan
everything months ahead?
"Why donít you go get it? Just figure out how much
you want to spend and get something on the list." I
figured he couldn't go far wrong and I was busy with something
else at the time.
So, he was off to get the gift. He also wanted to have a
suit tailored to wear. You would think it was the social event of the season,
or that he was in the wedding party.
He came home several hours later. "I couldnít decide
what to get," he said. "So, I got this." He
produced a giant cooking pot. "It was on the
"Well, if it was on the list, I guess it is okay."
Not what I would have chosen for a gift, but what does it matter.
"How can we wrap it?" he wondered. I could feel another
obsessive behavior coming on. Now that he had the gift, he
would obsess about wrapping it.
"What about a gift bag?"
"Okay, thatís a good idea. Iíll go get one now.
And a card too." So he was off again.
After getting the bag, I figured he would obsess about wrapping it.
I showed him how to put it in the bag and put tissue on top.
"Is that all there is to it?" He seemed surprised.
So, the gift is wrapped and ready. I guess I will have to hear
about going to a wedding for three more weeks, but we have the gift.
Now he is obsessing about another party, this one being given by the
fantasy football team office league.
"When is that?"
"After football season is over and we know who wins."
"Football season just started!" I thought it was next
week, or something by the way he was carrying on.
"I will have to hear about some pizza and beer blast until the
end of football season? Can't we just wait until the week before?"
Who am I kidding? He has probably made reservations already and is
deciding which T-shirt and jeans to wear in case they need to be
I donít think I can stand it. The man is a party animal.
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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