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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Online Since 1999

Theme Park Quiz...
 


Are You Too OLD for Theme Parks?



Take the Quiz

  1. Do they give you the senior citizen discount without checking your ID?

  2. Do you detest your hair and clothes getting wet?

  3. Would you like the rides better if they ran them in slow motion?

  4. Would you rather go to a restaurant for a meal than eat corn dogs on an umbrella table?

  5. Do you think there should be a law against the prices they charge for soft drinks and plan to write your congressman about it?

  6. Do you get nervous when there are no adults in line except you?

  7. Do your eyes get crossed from watching the racing coasters?

  8. Did you notice that none of the other women are carrying a purse?

  9. Do you stop at all the restrooms because you donít know if you will find the next one soon enough?

  10. Do you go inside gift shops and look around just because they are air-conditioned?

  11. Do you complain because customer service does not have blood pressure machines?

  12. Do you end up walking around in circles all day because you canít figure out the map?

  13. Is your favorite thing about the park all the pretty flowers?

  14. Do you buy your sno-cone with cherry syrup instead of lime, lemon, grape, strawberry, orange, tangerine, blueberry, raspberry, boysenberry, blackberry, kiwi, or watermelon?

  15. Does your back hurt? Your neck hurt? Your kidneys hurt? Are you are sunburned? Or do your feet have blisters?

  16. Do you spend most of the day planning how you will get even with the person that talked you into coming here?

  17. Could a 30 second thrill ride be long enough to last you for a lifetime?

  18. Do you buy your souvenirs long before closing time to beat the last minute rush?

  19. Do you take Coke cans to the park to get a discount?

  20. Do you tell young people with baggy pants to pull them up?

  21. Are you are offended by the suggestive slogans on tee shirts?

  22. Have you ever learned a new swear word while on a thrill ride?

  23. Have you lost your glasses, your wallet, your hat or your false teeth, while upside down?

  24. Do feel you can't make it to the front gate without oxygen?

  25. Did you ever buy a three-day pass just to get a free teeshirt, and then never use either of them.

  26. Do you think that the generation gap is bigger on a roller coaster than any other place?

  27. Is your favorite phrase: "Let me offfff!"?

  28. Can you remember where you lost your camera, as well as your supper?

  29. Will the soles on your tennis shoes melt on hot asphalt?

  30. Have you ever ridden the tram around the parking lot three times because you couldnít remember where you left the car?

SCORING 

  • Under 5 answered YES: There may be hope - get some vitamins or hormone therapy.

  • 6-15 answered YES: Over the hill, and we donít mean the one on the roller coaster.

  • 16-20 answered YES: Senility is peeking around the corner.  See your estate planner soon... very soon.  

  • 21+ answered YES: Why are you reading an article about Theme Parks?.


Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss

 
 



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