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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Running mate...
 

Running for the running mate

I donít get it.  I just donít get it.  Why did he pick HER when he could have had ME?  Iíve got all the right anatomical parts.  If he felt like he had to have a woman on the ticket, why not me?

According to what I read, not too many qualifications are needed.  And thatís exactly what Iíve got Ė not too many qualifications. 

I have a pair of frameless glasses.  I had them fixed after one of the lenses broke.  Frameless glasses are sometimes not all they are cracked up to be -- just like Vice Presidential candidates.
 
Now itís true that she has a nice hairdo with her hair pulled up on top of her head, but I could put mine up in a beehive like I used to back when that style was popular.  So that should not prevent me from being chosen

I have a lot of red dresses in my closet too.

I donít have five kids; I only have three, which means I would have more time to devote to the office instead of to motherhood.  Iím already a grandmother, so Iím well ahead of her there as well.

She calls herself a soccer mom, but my kids were also involved in sports.  If she thinks soccer moms are tough, Iíve got news for her.  No soccer mom alive could take a little leaguerís mom.   Ask any umpire that came out alive after calling a little league momís kid out at home plate.

Lipstick, Iíve got plenty of that, all shades, not just red. 

Now I canít say that agree with her ideas on whatís good for the environment, and Iím not really into hunting or dressing moose.  Why do they call it dressing it anyhow?  Shouldnít it be called undressing?

I can fish with a rod and reel, and Iíve been known to pull in a few bass that put up a pretty good fight.  However, I have to admit that Iíd rather get my fish already fried down at the catfish house.

As far as political experience, I never was the mayor of a small town, but I was the wife of one.  Being the wife of a politician should count. It did for Hillary.

Iím not the governor of anything, but some people think that being governor of Alaska is like not being governor of anything either.  It is so remote from the rest of the states that people there live a different sort of lifestyle.
 
She just got a passport for the first time last year; Iíve had my passport so long it has expired.  Iíve been not only to Canada and Mexico, but Iíve been to London too.  If not knowing much about international matters helps, Iím still in the running.

She was a journalist in her earlier days, if you call a sportscaster a journalist.  Thatís why she can read a teleprompter so well.  As a writer, I could write my own speeches and jokes, so we could probably save the campaign a few dollars on that. 

So, you can see that if being someone who is just like everyone else is a good thing, then I definitely should have been the running mate.  If we donít need the brightest, smartest, or most intelligent person to lead the country, then just about anyone is qualified.

Thatís why I just canít understand it.  My ego may not quite be big enough yet, but if asked, I could not have declined to serve.   If not being qualified is a qualification, I would have been the better choice.

Actually, I think I have it figured out.  Considering the lack of qualifications that I have, there could only be one reason.  I donít think it should matter with him claiming to be a maverick and not a party regular, but apparently it does. 

I guess he thought it would hurt the ticket Ė just because Iím a member of the opposite party.   


Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
 
 



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