Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||One Fish, Two Fish...
One Fish, Two Fish
stupid fish! Be still and smile." It was no use, the fish
insisted on swimming around the tank, giving me the fish eye,
and making it impossible to focus and click.
We were at the Tennessee Aquarium. On the spur of the moment, we
had decided to drive to Chattanooga and take my grandson to the
aquarium. He has been before, but kids donít care, they like
to do the same things over and over.
Somehow it looked much larger than when I was there before.
There also were many more parking lots now, but all were full. I
thought we would never find a parking place until we finally
resorted to the top deck of the parking garage.
My grandson insisted that he wanted to see the I-Max movie, a
tourist attraction packaged with the aquarium tickets for an
additional charge. He wanted to see the "shark movie."
Wouldn't you just know it?
Anyhow, to get back to the aquarium, the building was dark
inside with long corridors winding round and round and the only
light coming from inside the giant fish tanks. The first display
was the seahorses, which were sort of cool.
But the fish just wouldn't cooperate. By the time I finished
taking my pictures, I couldn't find the rest of my party. I
peered around in the
darkness, but there were too many people to find anyone. Who
would think so many people would want to see fish?
The next display was up an escalator. I looked around and
waited, but my folks didn't come, so I decided they had gone on,
and I was probably getting behind. I wound around through the
dark corridors, looking at the fish, room after dark room, tank
after tank, display after display.
Where had my family gone? Finally, I remembered that I had a
cell phone and so did they. I called and got no answer.
"Where are you?" I asked the voice mail. I found a
bench and sat down, lost at sea and with no idea where anyone
My phone range, "Where are you?"
"Getting ready to go in the Discovery Hall, just past the
alligators," I replied.
"Weíve been waiting for you at the escalator," I was
"Iím way past there! Just take your time and Iíll
wait." They couldnít possibly get past here without me
seeing them. In the meantime, an older lady was taken into a
back room. I heard someone say her knee gave out and she
couldn't make it. Well, at least I know there is a back door on
this tunnel of doom.
Then a couple came and sat down beside me. I heard them
discussing where the rest of their party could be. Apparently,
Iím not the only one that gets lost in the dark. Finally, my
daughter and grandson showed up.
After we got through the aquarium, it was time for lunch and
then the I-Max. I slept through the shark movie. I can't believe
I paid extra to see a documentary on how wonderful sharks are.
We returned to the aquarium and my grandson spent the rest of
the time pointing out all the sharks to the unknowing adults. At
least he had stayed awake in the movie. He darted from one tank
to another looking for even more sharks to show us.
I snapped a few more pictures, still trying to figure out how to
get my camera to take pictures through glass. The sharks would
not smile either. The alligators, however, smiled a lot.
Somehow I have a feeling they were planning their next snack, a
thought that made me a little bit nervous. I don't know why.
Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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