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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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No, no, not snow!....
 


No, No, Not Snow!

Snow! Snow! Itís going to snow! Every year, itís the same old snow panic. After a while, it gets tiresome.

Here it is March. No snow all winter, and now itís going to snow?

Oh, the weather people are so happy! They are beating the weather drums and doing the weather dance, trying their level best to work everyone up into a snow panic.

It doesnít take much. People in the South are just about as afraid of snow as they are of a nuclear disaster.

I guess itís the weather personís duty to warn the public -- not that it does any good. People have no sense. They donít know how to drive in the snow, but wonít stay out of the way of those that do.

I write one of these silly weather columns every year. It never fails that the S-word causes a major commotion at least once or twice a winter. Lord, what would Southerners do if they had snow all the time? Get used to it?

Ainít gonna happen, so no use speculating on it.

Bread, milk, and toilet paper - these are the essentials for snow. I imagine these items are jumping off shelves into grocery baskets all over town right now. Shelves will be picked clean.

Why? It isnít as if this is Alaska and we wonít be able to get out for the rest of the winter. Geez, we donít even shovel the driveway when it snows. Why bother? It will all melt tomorrow or the next day anyhow.

Snow in the South is a rarity, but it does happen. It was snowing in Atlanta earlier this year when we were traveling though. I met one woman who had driven all the way from Orlando to see snow. Now, why in the world would someone drive hundreds of miles in bad weather to see snow? It was melting as fast as it fell.

I have to admit that there is a beauty to it all when everything is covered with a white blanket and none of the gray drab of winter can be seen. But snow in the country, and even the suburbs, is a different issue from snow in the city. No one wants to become a part of the circus on the highway called ďlearning to drive in the snow.Ē

So far, so good, the day is over and no snow yet, in spite of the weather witches chant. I guess their job gets boring. Sunny today, rain tomorrow. Rain today, sunny tomorrow. Like a foxtrot. At least snow is a different tune to dance to.

Ears perk up when people hear the S-word. They are itching for a good reason to lay off work anyhow. And, when it snows in Texas, they close the schools in Tennessee in anticipation, another good reason to stay home if the kids are out.

Will it? Wonít it? Let me check the forecast again. First they said an inch or two, then two to four, then three to five. But now they have put it off until tonight. If itís yet another false alarm, people are going to be very disappointed.

Weather folks donít make the weather, they will say, they just try to predict it.

So, it finally snowed overnight. There may be a bluish inch of the stuff, but itís still snowing. And itís Saturday. People can stay at home with their bread, milk, and toilet paper.

But they wonít. Now they will have to think of another excuse to get out in it. They were promised a disaster, and, by golly, they want to be sure they get one!


Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
 
 



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