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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Online Since 1999

It's Not Love....
   

Whadda Ya Mean It's Not Love?


Whadda Ya Mean It's Not Love?

I have your picture on my refrigerator, my mirror, and next to the clock radio where I can see you first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I go to sleep to dream about you. My pillow answers to your name.

Whadda ya mean its not love?

I forgot who I am and had to check my ID. I took a cold shower and steamed the wallpaper off the wall. The ground wonít be still beneath me, but my feet donít touch the ground anyhow. When someone says, "How are you?" I say "In love." I probably glow in the dark.

Whada ya mean its not love?

I dial your number just to listen to your voice on the answering machine. I have forgotten how to speak English - I only speak the language of love. My heart is beating so fast that I drove ten miles yesterday before I realized I had not started the car. Iím worried about getting a DUI for being drunk on love.

Whadda ya mean its not love?

I joined a record club so I could get ten free records with your favorite music. I play them on fast forward so I can listen to them over and overÖ faster. I have a screen saver on my computer that scrolls our names. I check voice mail three times a day and email three times an hour. I bought a cell phone and a beeper to be sure I donít miss your calls.

Whadda ya mean its not love?

I named my dog after your dog. I carry an extra toothbrush and pray I will someday need it. I would go to prison if we could be cellmates. I would even eat onions if you did.

Whadda ya mean its not love?

Love at first sight just isnít fast enough. I have frequent flyer miles just from thinking of you.

Whadda ya mean itís not love?


Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss
 
 



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