Murphy's Laws for Mothers
Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it
and when you donít..
A motherís love is a better cure than chicken soup, but
chicken soup is cheaper.
Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than
you know about yourself.
Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother.
She probably wonít know either, but she will fake it.
Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
The more you try to stay on your motherís good side the
harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her
kids are rotten.
If you canít remember whether or not you called your mother,
The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the
best advice she ever gave you.
If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you
donít repeat them.
Anything you do can be criticized by your mother - even doing
Never criticize your motherís cooking if you expect to get
any more of it.
If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember
who has changed your diapers.
You canít "out mother" your mother. Donít even try.
Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got
away with it.
The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the
more she resembles a webcam.
The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your
All motherís have a "How To" manual. Thatís
because they wrote the book.
Motherís way is best. If you donít believe it, ask her.
Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells
you why it isnít.
One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a
hen party, four is a bridge club.
If you donít have time to study the driversí manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you
remember what you wasted all your money on.
The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer
she will "save" it before she uses it.
No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it
against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it
No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that
mother will not offer you more food.
If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or
The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the
greater the probability of rain.
Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures
are your own fault.
Never forget who rocked you as a baby. Thatís something else
you will never be able to repay her for.
Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after
youíve already done it.
The longer itís been since you cleaned house, the more
likely it is that mother will visit.
No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger
than you are.
The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the
more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom
does it, you should have done it yourself.
You never are as good as other peopleís children. You are
never as bad as mom imagines.
The only thing more accurate than a motherís advice is her
memory of the times you didnít take it.
The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is
Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always
If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isnít
doing it well.
There are always two sides to a story - the way it really
happened and the way mother remembers it.
Mothers always "know." We donít know how - they
Murphyís mother told him so.