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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Murphy Kids...
 


Murphy’s Laws for Kids

The more you hate spinach, the more likely it is you will have it for dinner.

The more you need to go potty, the harder it is to get your pants down.

If you miss the school bus, it will always be on the day of a field trip or party.

If you spill your milk, the dumb dog won’t lick it up no matter what you promise.

If you use the sofa for a trampoline, you will forget about your muddy tennis shoes until later.

If you have a helium birthday balloon, it will get caught in the ceiling fan.

The more unbreakable a toy is supposed to be, the sooner you will break it.

The harder you try to hide something behind your back, the more likely mom will know.

If you forget to put something away, it will be the carton of ice cream.

The more you try to sit still in church, the more your underwear scratches.

When you have to do you homework before going outside, you will invariably get stuck on the last problem.

The more you try to hurry while getting dressed, the greater the probability that you can’t find socks without holes.

If you kick anything under the bed to hide it, the cat will be sleeping there.

If you remember to wash your hands before eating, the dog will lick you on the mouth.

The more relatives your have in the audience at the school play, the greater the likelihood of forgetting your lines.

If you remember to turn out the lights in the basement, dad will be downstairs.

If you try to flush the goldfish, the toilet will clog and run over.

The more parts a game has, the greater the likelihood that it will get spilled.

Snack food is always on the highest kitchen shelf instead of in the bottom cabinet.

The more you want to go outside and play, the longer it takes to clean your room.

The newer your shoes are, the more rain puddles you will see to tempt you.

If you wake up with a stomachache and fever, it will always be on Saturday.

If Murphy were a kid, he would lose his lunch money.


Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
 
 



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