To Kill a
Day 1 Ė My daughter went out to the garage and came
inside screaming. "A mouse, a MOUSE! Thereís a mouse in
the garage. It ran right past my feet." The garage door
doesnít fit very tight, and a tiny mouse can squeeze though a
crack the size of a pencil.
Day 2 Ė "I saw it again! It has three or four
babies and they all ran under the washing machine." Okay,
itís time to quit messing around and to get down to some
serious mouse catching. Soon the traps are set and baited with
Day 3 Ė The cheese is gone. The mouse is not. The
mouse wins. "Okay, mouse, think you are smart, huh?
OUCH!" The trap springs on my daughterís finger. The
mouse scores again.
Day 4 Ė We set the trap again, and again the mouse
gets the cheese. Thatís Mouse 3 Ė Humans 0 if you are
keeping score. We are being out-maneuvered by a rodent with a
brain the size of a pea.
Day 5 - Why donít we just throw the cat out in the
garage and let it earn its keep? An hour later we check and the
cat is hiding behind a bag of concrete, terrorized. What's the
big idea? Don't we know there are mice out there!
"Okay, come back inside, cat." What a worthless fur
ball. So, the cat strikes out and the mouse scores again.
Day 6 - "Use peanut butter" advise my
friends. So, my daughter smears peanut all over the trap. No way
can that mouse eat all the peanut butter and not get caught. But
next morning, the trap is licked clean. Not a speck of peanut
butter is left and the trap is not sprung. We are obviously
running a mouse buffet. Mouse 5 Ė Humans 0.
What should we do? Use poison? But we have pets - what if the
cat eats a poisoned mouse? As worthless as the stupid feline is,
I donít want to poison her.
"Use glue traps," advise my friends. The idea is
that the mouse gets stuck on the glue and canít escape.
According to the instructions on the box, the mouse can even be
humanely released alive by holding the trap over a 5-gallon
bucket and pouring vegetable oil to release it from the glue.
They have got to be kidding!
I saw humane traps at the store. But what do you do with a
live mouse after you catch it? If you turn it loose, if will
come back. I refuse to put a live mouse in my car to take it
Day 7 Ė We declare WAR! We set out all four glue
traps that were in the box. I am tired of running a Motel 8 for
mice. The varmint has got to go! But somehow the mouse knows. It
avoids the glue boards and is not caught. Mouse 6 Ė Humans 0.
Day 8 - Iím at my witís end. Iíve never seen a
mouse so smart. It should belong to Mensa. I am beginning to
respect it for its intelligence and wonder if it deserves to
survive. After all, it has a family.
"Can we catch it and keep it," asks my grandson.
But rodents are filthy. They carry disease and spread germs.
They chew things up and destroy property. "Wait until you
are older and weíll get a gerbil," I lie.
Day 9 - I wish this story had a happy ending. It does
for the mouse, but not for the humans. Surely there is way to
get rid of a super mouse with a 200 IQ. I suppose it will take
an exterminator, a hired gun. There seems to be no other way to
kill a mocking mouse.
The mouse is still at large, gleefully playing leapfrog over
the glue boards, and no doubt laughing though its whiskers at
the stupid humans who are trying to catch it. Humans - zero