Humor Columnist

HOMEBESTCOLUMNSHUMORARCHIVESCONTACT
 
 HOME

 COLUMNIST

 BEST

 COLUMNS

 ARCHIVES

 HUMOR 

 EDITOR  INFO

 FIREFLIES

 LONDON 

 EGYPT SERIES

 NEW ENGLAND

 FRIENDS

 LINK TO US

 WEB RINGS

 LINKS

 LINK SWAP

 SUBSCRIBE

 CONTACT

Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

    Follow her on 
Facebook and Twitter.


 

Follow me on Facebook 
Sheila Moss


Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall

   
National Society of
Newspaper Columnists

HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

Helpful Hints from a Mother-in-Law....
 


E-MAIL

FROM: Mother-In-Law@aol.com

TO: Daughter-In-Law@home.com

SUBJECT: Helpful Hints from a Mother-in-Law


Iíve been meaning to talk to you for some time now about a matter Iím concerned about. I donít mean to offend you, dear, but your housekeeping is just not up to par. Iíve noticed a number of things, and I just wanted to call them to your attention. My son is simply not used to living like that.

When I was younger, my house was absolutely spotless. Why, I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees every day and then waxed it. It was so clean that you could practically eat off the floor! I realize that todayís floor coverings donít need waxing, but that should make it even easier for you. I know you work all week and donít have much time, but it really doesnít really take that long just to mop the floor. 

Iíve also noticed unwashed dishes in your sink. As Iíve said, I donít mean to be critical, dear. I used to wash all my dishes by hand and dry them too. I put clean shelf paper in my cabinets every month. With all the modern conveniences women have these days, I canít see any reason for having dirty dishes. With dishwashers, automatic washers and dryers and microwaves, women are just getting lazy. My mother used to wash her clothes with a tub and washboard. Thank goodness, I never had to do that, but I did hang out my clothes to dry on a clothesline. And I still managed to keep my dishes washed. Perhaps you just need to try a little harder, dear.

Iím afraid to even look into your bedroom to see if the beds are made. It gives me shivers to think that you probably donít change the sheets every week. My sheets were always clean and spotless, and I had to iron them too Ė none of this polyester blend stuff like you have nowadays. I had white chenille bedspreads on every bed and no one ever saw them unmade. I just hope you are least making up my sonís bed every day so the sheets are not crumpled as well as dirty.

Finally, Iíd like to mention the dust. Obviously, you are dusting around the dishes on the hutch instead of taking them off and dusting behind things. The tops of your curtain rods are filthy. You really need to get rid of the feather duster as it just stirs up the dust on the furniture. Iíve always polished all my furniture with lemon wax at least once a week. I highly recommend this if you want things to be really clean and shiny.

I wonít go into the need to sanitize the bathroom every day. Surely we do not need to discuss something this delicate. I will mention, however, that I could not help but notice how the towels were not folded and kept straight, and that the soap dish was a bit slimy. Dear, you surely can do better than this. I realize Iím not perfect, but I would never waste a bar of soap by letting it dissolve in a slimy soap dish.

As I said, dear, I donít want to embarrass you, so I wonít even mention all the other things. I just wanted to call a few of the more obvious problems to your attention. I know I donít keep a spotless house myself, but things were different when I was your age. I just canít do as much now as I used to.

Iím sure you wonít mind me telling you about these teensy problems since it is for your own good. As I said, I know you are busy and have a lot of running around to do, but I just felt it was my duty to let you know about these problems. If I can help you to figure out any of your other shortcomings, be sure to let me know. Iím always glad to help. After all, what is family for?

Iím going to delete this email now, dear, and you will never see it. It took me a while to figure it out, but the best advice a mother-in-law can possibly give is the advice she has learned to keep to herself.


Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss
 
 



Get the
Humor Columnist Newsletter


Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN  37219
E-Mail

AVAILABLE  NOW


E-Mail
Autographed Copy
$5.00 + $4 shipping



Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping
E-Mail

      home · best . columns · humor · archives · contact  
    © Copyright 1999-2015 Sheila Moss - All rights reserved - © Template by thetemplatestore.com
The copyright for this website and the material on this website are owned by Sheila Moss.
You may request permission to use the copyrighted materials on this website by writing to Sheila Moss.
Use of these copyrighted materials without written permission may result in legal action against you.