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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Marriott....
 


Greetings from the Marriott

© 2014 Sheila Moss, Humor Columnist

We at the Marriott appreciate the business you gave us with your recent Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop; however, there are still a few unfinished items regarding your stay that need to be attended to:

We would like to request that all the guests who took our towels and linens home please return them. While the Marriott expects you to steal the leftover soap and shampoo, taking towels to wrap souvenir glasses while traveling is a bit too much. Individual guests will also be contacted by the Marriott regarding the missing irons, coffee pots, hair dryers, and television sets. Please be reminded that we have your credit card numbers on file.

The Marriott may be forced to bill you for the carpet cleaning required in the ballroom where you held your late night festivities Saturday. While we are uncertain exactly what happened in there, it was reported that hysterical laughter ensued all evening and several people left with wet pants.

We regret that the Marriott was unable to provide all of our guests with late checkout on Sunday because you stayed up too late, drank too much, and overslept. The Marriott received many complaints from our other guests regarding loud late night partying. You may be interested to know that our conference planners have been fired for their part in instigating your overnight pajama party.

A number of lost items were found in the hotel ballroom Sunday morning. Among the items were several empty “Erma” wine glasses, a cell phone, two autographed books, a large blue plastic bird, and three pink bunny slippers.  You may claim missing items by contacting lost and found at the front desk. The Marriott staff does not wish to comment further on this.

Thanks to your group, we have lost some of our most valuable employees. One of our waiters became a stand-up comedian after crashing the Stand-Up Comedy Boot Camp and catching the attendee comedy show Saturday night. He handed in his resignation to the Marriott and has gone to California to get into show biz.

The bartender has been given a leave of absence to recover from exhaustion from pouring so many drinks. Fortunately, the Marriott was able to replace her on short notice by giving the job to a starving humor writer who was willing to work for the experience and promotion.

May we take the liberty of commenting that the Marriott takes pride in our excellent guest services and does not find tasteless jokes about Dayton funny. We are innkeepers, not humorists, and cannot be expected to laugh at your idea of a funny column. Furthermore, a lot of tourists come to Dayton, for your information -- some of them on purpose. We hope that tourism at the Marriott will not be affected by any negative publicity you bring us.

That pretty much takes care of the major unfinished business. We realize that you have a choice and we would like to thank you for choosing the Marriott. We would be remiss if we failed to inform you that we have generously opted not to put your group on the Marriott "black list" at this time. After all, it was a humor writers’ conference and the Marriott is willing to tolerate some friskiness.

Thank goodness it will be two years before you have another one of these workshops, and we will have time to repair the damage.  We will be happy to recommend a competitor next time if the Marriott happens to unfortunately be booked up for the entire spring and summer and unable to accommodate you.  


Sincerely yours,

The Management
The Marriott Hotel

Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss

DISCLAIMER: This is satirical humor and the opinions expressed are those of the author and not those of any hotel employee. The idea here is to mention the name of the Marriott as many times as possible to thank them for accommodating us.


Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
 
 



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