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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Mysterious Malady....
 


The Mysterious Malady


Last week I lost my keys. This week I lost my Honey. Well, I didn't exactly lose him. He just isn't where he usually is. 

Last Sunday we were in church and Honey became sick. Often a man thinks he is much sicker than he actually is. I call it the "man flu." 

I was listening attentively when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Honey. He motioned for me to come outside. "I feel sick, he said. I'm shaking all over." 

Good grief. He is calling me out of a church because he is cold? Still, I could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong. 

"Do you want to leave?" I asked. He nodded. So we left. 

"What's wrong?" I asked again. "I don't know," he said. "I just started shaking." He looked like he had the DT's but the man doesn't drink so I knew it wasn't that. 

"I think we need to go to the ER," I said, and he didn't protest. It better not be man flu, I thought to myself. 

I would have preferred going my own way to the hospital,but honey knew a shortcut. He directed me through construction, behind shopping centers and across parking lots. I was starting to get a bit irritated, but we did eventually end up at the hospital. I dropped him off at the door while I looked for a parking place in the pouring rain. 

For once the emergency room was almost empty. I didn't see Honey anywhere, so they must have taken him to the back already. A nurse showed me to his room. He was on a stretcher covered with blankets. 

A nurse came in and out, asking questions taking his temperature and blood pressure and doing whatever it is that medical people do for man flu. "Did you get a flu shot?" asked the nurse."Yes." He squeaked. 

In spite of our haste, medical people never hurry. They hooked up an IV to "Be sure he is not dehydrated." No matter what is wrong, or whether anything at all is wrong, you can figure on getting an IV if you go to the ER. 

Time ticked on; they drew blood and did an EKG. "I don't think it is your heart," said the doctor, "but we have to check. We have to wait for the lab results on the tests." 

The nurses changed shift, the IV dripped, and we waited. 

Eventually the doctor returned. Three hours was long past. "We really are not sure what it is, but when I was in medical school, the older doctors always said to call it an infection until we know it is something else. Shaking is one of the symptoms. Usually you have no fever at first, then it spikes." 

"I feel hot," said Honey. Sure enough, he had a temperature, right on cue. 

"I am going to admit you until we figure out what this is." I guess man flu was not in the medical book. 

"I might as well go home, let the dog out and get whatever you need to stay here overnight." 

By now it was pouring rain like a hurricane and pitch black outside. I can't see well at night, especially when it is raining. Big trucks were speeding by me on the Interstate, slinging water. I thought, "I am the one who is going to die here." I made it home, however, and then back to the hospital. 

Overnight turned into five days. It seems the ER doctor called it right. They don't know where the infection is coming from or how he got it. They are still drawing blood, giving IV's, and doing tests. 

So, Honey is really sick. It wasn't the man flu after all. 

Don't tell him what I thought. 


Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss
 
 



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