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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Makeover....
 



The Makeover

One of a ladyís most important attributes, in spite of what people might say, is her hair. Thatís right, and I proved it again this week.

As some of you may remember, I had a birthday a few weeks ago, conveniently followed by Motherís Day. Apparently, Iíve become impossible to buy for, which means all the thoughtful people in my life gave me department store gift cards.

Last weekend, I decided to have a "me" weekend. What that means is I spent most of the weekend on self-improvement.

Besides, all those gift cards were burning a hole in my proverbial pocket, and I was just itching to shop. They were mostly from the high-class department stores, places where I canít afford to shop normally.

I couldnít believe how expensive clothes are! I managed to find several nice outfits, but my preliminary vision of six outfits quickly shrank to a more realistic three, even though I went straight to the sale racks.

After trying on half the ladies wear department, I actually found several things that I could get into and that didnít make me look too fat. I felt very glamorous with my new duds.

If this wasnít enough, I received a call that my new glasses had finally arrived. Iíve been wearing an old pair, slightly lopsided, while waiting for them. I went down to the vision center and picked up my eyewear. They are the fashionable new ones with no rims. I was really getting classy now.

Since it was a "me" weekend, I had also intended to do my hair and cover the dark roots that were trying to show. At Wal-Mart, I found a bottle of hair color for $2.98 and decided to try it instead of the high priced stuff I usually get since being brainwashed by commercials. I selected a slightly darker shade than usual, thinking maybe the roots would blend in and touch ups would not need to be so often.

I used the new color and it was perfectly fine, in fact I think I like it better that the old shade. I was also getting tired of my curly look, my hair was getting longer and wouldnít do right, and I didnít have time to make an appointment to get it cut. So, I decide to dig out the old king-sized hot rollers and go for a straighter look.

I finished off with a manicure and pedicure for summer when toenails are peeking out of sandals. Yes, I was definitely looking chic, I thought. I could hardly wait for Monday morning to show off my new self.

When I walked in the office, I was greeting with, "Your hair is different!" Well, obviously that was true, but what about my new dress? See, it came from the swanky department store at the mall.

Everywhere I went it was the same, a stare and then a sudden moment of recognizing with the words I was soon braced to hear, "Your hair is different!" All agreed that it looked really nice, which meant must have been worse before than I thought.

"Your hair is different! Is that a wig?" Of all the nerve!

My dress, notice my dress. Isnít it pretty? No one did. My glasses, notice my glasses. I went broke at the vision center paying for them! Only one person noticed and that was only after she commented on my hair several times.

All week long itís been the very same thing, "Your hair is different," "You hair is darker," "Your hair looks nice," "I like your hair." While Iím happy that everyone is complimenting my $2.98 makeover, It sure would be great if one Ė just one person Ė would notice my fashionable new dresses.

And so, as I said to start with, a ladiesí most important attribute is her hair. No one notices anything else at all.


Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss
 
 



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