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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Love Gift....
   

A Love Gift


Itís Valentineís and love is in the air. Dazzle your Valentine with love, wine and roses. Yes, that would be dazzling. But, face it, is that reality? ......Can we talk?

You guys spent last weekend watching the Pro Bowl, didnít you? And the weekend before that, it was the SuperBowl. In fact, you have spent the last several months watching football, havenít you?

How fortunate we are that Valentine Day follows the SuperBowl and end of the football season so closely. Almost seems like more than mere coincidence, doesnít it? Anyhow, it is opportunity flaunting its Archilles heel. Football season is over and now is the perfect time to redeem yourself with your honey - the little woman.

So, what are your plans for Valentineís Day? You DO have a plan, donít you? Waiting until the last minute and calling the florist is NOT a plan! Letís check out some better suggestions. Surf over to the gift selections and look at this one, "Call 1-800-flowers" (and pay $80 for a dozen roses that will wilt before she can get a good sniff.) Well, that should be enough to cool your enthusiasm for the last minute florist plan.

Thereís always candy, you say? Now what woman in her right mind wants to blow her diet and ruin her figure on a bunch of chocolates from a lazy man? Truly, you can do better! And while we are on the subject of inappropriate gifts, stay away from Victoriaís Secret and the other sleazy lingerie departments. Velvet teddies? Stretch lace baby dolls? The idea is to get something for HER - not for yourself!

What does every woman want? JEWELRY. Thatís simple enough. Too expensive? Well, a few minutes ago you were willing to spend $80 on a bunch of wilting flowers, so why not spend a few bucks for something that will last?

Gold is always nice Ė pure - like your love. See how this works? Stores are full of gold chains with little gold hearts at this time of the year. Very cute, a symbol of your love. Every woman has just a little bit of golddigger in her.

If you are not into cute gold hearts, how about some earrings? This means you will have to turn your eyes from the television set and look at her ears to see whether she wears earrings. Notice whether she favors the tiny little stud type or the big gold hoops. Remember Ė stick to gold, plain, pure, tasteful.

If you are a big spender (or didnít miss a single game all season) get her a ring. The antique looking ones are very attractive and have a classic look. Donít get sucked into buying those silly heart shaped "Valentine" stones - unless she is a teenager. If you are totally without a clue, just get a gold chain, the wider the better. No woman can get too many gold chains.

Still thinking of something else? Oils, massage kits? Lotions? Bath products? Scented candles? Go back and reread the paragraph on sleazy lingerie. Perfume might work if you know the scent she likes. Donít trust your own nose, however. Aura of Locker Room will NOT be something she likes - regardless of how good it smells to you.

What are you going to get in return? Donít worry about it. Women know how to handle this holiday. She will remember and repay you. Trust me on this one.

Iím so happy we could have this little chat!!!

You are going to send her an e-card, arenít you? In spite of everything weíve discussed here, you are going to wait until the last minute and send a cheap, FREE e-card! Well, could you at least turn off the TV and not watch the hockey game?

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss


Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
 
 



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