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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Lost Purse...
 


The Lost Purse

Have you ever done something so dumb, so stupid, so unlike you that you can’t believe you did it? But you did and there is nothing you can do now except try to do better the next time.

It’s a long story, but it started like this:

Last evening I was late getting home and had no dinner started or even in mind.

“Want to eat out?” asked Honey.

“Sure.” Who wouldn’t?

There was the usual discussion on where to go that ended up at Cracker Barrel because we couldn’t think of another place in particular and it is our “fall back place.”

We were seated right away, no lines in the middle of the week.

When the food arrived, I looked across the table at Honey’s plate and saw sausage. I knew something was wrong as he will not touch pork with a ten foot pole. My food was wrong too. We eventually figured out that the server brought the food to the wrong table.

That should have been my clue on the sort of evening it was going to be, but we eventually got the right food and ate without further ado, at least until we left.

I had hung my purse and jacket on the back of my chair and had my cell phone lying on the table.

Honey wanted to look at candy before we left as you can get old-fashioned candy there that you can't get anywhere else. I gathered up my things quickly with my mind elsewhere.

I was holding a bag of candy when we left and didn't notice that I had forgotten to pick up my purse.

We got in the car and it was not until we were on the interstate that I noticed it missing. I searched the floorboard. Turned on the light in the car and looked again, hoping I was wrong. But I knew exactly where it was - hanging on the back of the chair at Cracker Barrel.

“We can't turn around until the next exit,” said Honey. “How could you forget your purse? Didn't you realize you were not carrying it?”

Obviously not.

And as if I didn't feel bad enough already, “Why didn't you watch what you were doing?”

I snapped.

“Because I am an idiot.” Geez!

If you have ever lost your purse or wallet you know the sinking feeling when you realize it is missing. I mentally reviewed what was in it: credit cards that I would have to report lost, my driver’s license and insurance cards that would be a pain to replace, car keys, house key. My God! A thief could get my address off my license and would have a key to rob my house.

I was panicked, forgetting we have a security system at home. I seldom carry much money so that would not be a consequence, at least. Still, the thought of all the aggravation was sobering.

When we finally arrived back, I went in and told the hostess I had left my purse. Apparently either a customer or wait staff found it and turned it in.

The “what ifs” were endless: What if an unscrupulous customer had picked it up, and walked out? What if I had not noticed it missing? What if we were traveling and were hundreds of miles down the road before I missed it? What if I had a lot of cash inside?

Thanks to the good folks at Cracker Barrel, it was found and returned.

So, I was lucky. I clutched my purse tightly. It was my expensive leather designer purse too, on top of everything else.

I am still shaking over the near disaster. I plan to copy all my documents and take anything I don't absolutely need to carry out of my purse.

As for my carelessness, forgetfulness, or whatever you call it, I don't know what to do about that.

 


Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
 
 



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