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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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I Did It Again...
 


I Did It Again


I did it again – lost my car keys. I periodically do this and am frantic until I find them. I always think I am losing my mind, getting dementia, doomed to a life of mindless wandering leaving a trail of lost stuff.

There are suggestions about how to find lost items, and also about how to avoid losing them in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, anything lost outside the home is probably a write off including gloves, sweaters, and umbrellas. I buy umbrellas and sunglass at the dollar store. When lost, I buy another.

"Always put things in the same place," experts advise. Oh sure, if I could do that, I could remember where my stuff is.

This time it is my car keys and bank card – a double header if you will. Actually, it was my bank card that I missed first. When looking for it, I noticed that my car keys were also missing.

Don't panic; be logical; try to remember where you were the last time you had it. I used my card to pay for cat food, and I had to have my keys to drive home. "Look where they should be.” I take everything out of my purse, check all the side pockets twice. Not there.

I have a terrible habit of sticking my bank card in my pocket when my hands are full. I check my jeans pocket, and jacket, even though I don't think I wore it. I come up empty again.

Well, you get the picture. I'm an idiot. I can't remember anything. I'm crazy, demented. I beat up on myself for being stupid. I enlist the help of Honey. Sometimes someone else can find things in places you didn't think to look. He has a logical mind.

We check the car ignition, under the seats, on the dashboard, behind the sun visor, under the floor mats, even in the trunk. Don't laugh. All of these are places where I've found lost things in the past. "The best place to look is where you found lost items before." experts advise.  

We check the door knob, around the steps, the garage floor under the car, on shelves, on top of the water heater, even in the bag of birdseed. Pitiful isn't it?

"Did you check your purse and pockets?" asked Honey.  "Of course, and for good measure I checked the dirty laundry, the washing machine and dryer, and the basket of clean laundry."

We checked countertops, around my computer, top of the refrigerator, drawers all over the house, under the furniture, and in the cracks of the sofa. We became creative looking in the refrigerator and dishwasher, the medicine cabinet, all the unlikely places where they might be because they are not anywhere else.

I thought and thought trying to remember. It was no use. Depression sat in. I can get another key made and call in to report my bank card lost…. again. I've lost my credit card so many times that the bank now charges me to replace it.

My type of loss is a mindless one -- having my mind on other things and not thinking about small things. I try to put my card in my wallet and my keys in my purse, but the mindless mode always kicks in on me sooner or later.

My iPhone has a phone finder feature which has helped me find it a number of times. I need one of those tiles that transmits a signal like my cell phone to attach to my keys. The technology is available so why not use it? It is an extra expense, but how much is my sanity worth?

By the way, I eventually found the keys in the closet in my leather jacket, and as a bonus, my bank card was there also. And so it goes. I know I'm not the only one who loses stuff, but somehow I just can't seem to get past the reality that I did it again. 


Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss
 
 



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