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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Better Late than Later...
 


Better Late than Later


I am being done in by the mundane things of life, those little home repair jobs that are so unimportant that I can never get around to them. It is easier to put up with the minor inconvenience than take the extra time to fix things. 

Finally, these chores have begun to accumulate to the point that I am starting to worry about being buried under a pile of procrastinated tasks.

The other day my honey decided to take a day off work. I stuck my head out of the pile of undone chores and looked around like a chipmunk.

"Are you taking off to do the chores?"

"No, I need a day to recover from football season."

That figures!

But, I'm the handy person of the home, anyhow. Superwoman! That's me! So, I decide to take a day off as well. It will be the perfect time to catch up on those little aggravating "do it yourself" jobs.

Most of the really bad stuff, as it turns out, is outside work. Outside chores pile up in the winter because. well, because it's cold outside. So, I dressed in my superwoman insulated underwear and got ready to work.

First on my list is the garage window, which is falling off and making the house look like it's haunted. Somehow the storm window came loose, the screen fell out and the glass window came out of the frame. Not a big deal for a superwoman, just a matter of putting it all back together again and putting in a screw in to hold the window frame tight. After an hour of tugging, fitting, and sliding, I finally managed to fix it. That's one down for superwoman.

Next is my weird holly bush with long shoots sprouting out of the top that make the whole thing look overgrown. It's just a matter of getting out the ladder and trimming off a few wild branches to tame it down until spring. I hate this task because holly is thorny and I always get scratched. This time is no exception. I thought superwoman was bullet proof, not to mention thorn proof, but apparently not.

Then there is that dead flowerpot sitting by the back door creating an eyesore ever since cold weather killed the flowers months ago. Superwoman picks it up and it breaks in her hands, falling to the patio and shattering into a million pieces. Probably her super strength. Well, that takes care of the flowerpot. Now all I have to do is sweep up the mess right away before having a chance to procrastinate again.

Dead leaves have blown up and settled around the back door to my house. I am sick and tired of wading through wet leaves to get inside the house. I don't really know where they come from since the trees were long ago bare, but I rake them up. Superwoman does not have a leaf blower or it would be much easier.

By the time I finish bagging the trash, I am exhausted and half-frozen. My super powers are beginning to get out of whack. I forgot to change the light bulb by the front door, which has burned out and is making the house look one-eyed. There is also the torn screen on my daughter's bedroom window. She blames the damage on the cat. The screen gets as far as the hardware store, and stays there to be fixed.

So, that pretty much takes care of the outside chores. Trouble is things never really get caught up when you have a house. I noticed that the windowsills need a paint touch-up, the shutters are faded, and there are small tree branches that have blown down and need to be picked up before the lawn can be mowed next spring. The weeds are starting to sprout already too.

A superwoman's work is never done - which is yet another good reason to put off doing things until later.


Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
 
 



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