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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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A Jaded Week...
 


 A Jaded Week

I don't know how to describe it. It is green, greener than spinach, greener than a grass, greener than the eyes of a cat. It is GREEN, as green as jello. Yes, that's it, jello. The necklace is treated jade that is dyed and heated to intensify the color. The thing almost glows in the dark.

Somehow my mind has been drawn to jade this week. I have looked at jade, read about jade, dreamed of jade and envied jade. I think it is because I came across the jade necklace that I bought some time ago, but seldom, if ever, wear because it is too green.

If I could add a pretty pendant and maybe break up the green with beads of another color, it might look better. I don't usually obsess about something as foolish as a piece of costume jewelry, but somehow these beads were calling out for attention.

ade is an ancient gemstone, treasured by many civilizations, but especially the Chinese. Early civilizations used it to make knives that were stronger than steel. We prefer to adorn ourselves with it. Jade is a gemstone of mystery and intrigue.

There are actually two different types of stone that are called jade, but both look similar. We think of jade as green, but it can come in many shades and colors of white, yellow, pink, and red. Older jade was found in China. Today, most of it comes from Burma.

To make my obsession worse, one of my co-workers came in talking about a necklace one of our other colleagues had worn. Did you see that jade necklace she had on? It was red.

Did she say jade? I was green with envy.

Once again I was fixated on jade like a prospector after gold. But I don't want red jade - my blood is green. I couldn't wait to go shopping. I fed my craving on eBay. After looking at jade until my eyeballs were avocado, I finally selected an amulet to add to my necklace.

Jade is said to bring fortune and good luck. It seems to only bring me bad luck. I'm spending all my time shopping for it on eBay instead of doing anything useful.

I found out that the red necklace came from Steinmart, of all places. Now I have to go to Steinmart and see what else they have. It couldn't be quality jade if it came from Steinmart. I was probably heat treated like my unnaturally green necklace. Heating lowers quality, but is frequently used to make red jade.

I decided that I wanted untreated jade. I could work over the old green necklace, but I also wanted a new one. I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I would know the right necklace when I saw it. While there is nothing wrong with lesser quality jade, treating makes it loose its value as a gemstone.

So, here I am again shopping on eBay for jade. If it can be found anywhere, it is on the Internet. If it isn't on the Internet, it doesn't exist. Everything is on the Internet.

Unfortunately, when you look, you find. I found this gorgeous necklace. I tried to pass by it and keep looking, but I kept going back. This was my necklace. I felt the passion. So, I blew my PayPal account balance and ordered the thing. I can't wait until it comes from China.

I think I'm okay now. My eyeballs are back to normal and I haven't looked at jade for several days. I do still plan to go to Steinmart this weekend, just to check, of course.


Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss

 
 



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