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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Ice Age....
 


The Ice Age Cometh
 

I flipped through channels until I found the weather report, and then settled back to see what new catastrophe was expected. Somehow weather news is never good news. It is going to be too hot, too cold, too windy, or is going to rain. 

More snow for the Northeast," proclaimed the weatherman, as if we care about the Northeast. What about the local area? What can we expect here, right here? 

About that time, Weather Bimbo interrupted. "Oh, they get all the snow up there. When are we going to get some?" 

She wants snow? She must be crazy. I can understand when kids want snow. The schools will close; they can go outside to sled and build a snowman. Yes, snow is a good thing when you are a kid. But when you grow up, it is a different matter entirely. 

Ahoy there, blonde weather person with snowflakes for eyes. I like snow too. I have lived in the North where we got all the snow your little heart could possibly desire. You would love it in New England. Why don't you move? 

Yes, I remember how much I loved snow, how it snowed in September and we might not see the ground again until May. There was a lot of snow to love. 

I remember how the snow would blow and drift against the garage door so that it had to be shoveled before I could get the car out. It was such fun to shovel the driveway until my back almost broke only to have the snowplow come by and throw a mountain of frozen snow and ice chunks back on it. 

I did not dare drive on the driveway before it was shoveled as the packed snow would freeze into ice that would be there until spring.  Yes, just getting out of the driveway was a glorious snow-filled experience. 

If we were lucky and the snowplow found our street, we could actually drive on the icy roads, provided one knew how to stop a fishtail spin and the person behind you didn't skid into the rear of your car.  Weather Bimbo would love the icy roads, just like ice skating except in an automobile. 

Snow Bimbo would enjoy leaving work, or anywhere for that matter, and finding her car covered with snow. She could have the fun of brushing, sweeping and scraping until the windshield and headlights were cleared. Hope she doesn't forget the tailpipe or she could die of carbon monoxide poisoning while waiting for the car to warm up. 

Weather Girl would soon find that getting stuck when you park is pretty much the norm as parking places are seldom plowed. Hope she remembered to keep snowbrushes, an ice scraper, a bag of sand, cardboard, and a shovel in the trunk. 

Weather Bimbo probably thinks that streets are plowed and salted -- and they are, at least the main roads. Roads can still become impassable when it is snowing and hours instead of minutes can be spent commuting only a short distance. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. 

Weather Bimbo should move to New England, where even the hardiest people are sick of having to clean snow off the roof to prevent it from collapsing and cars left at the curb are buried under so much snow they may not be found until spring. 

"There is a possibility of snow next Monday," said the weatherman. By that he means a trace or maybe a half inch of white stuff. 

I have an idea. Weather Bimbo should move north for a year or two and see what winter is really like. She would learn to hate snow just as much as the rest of us do.

 


Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss
 
 



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