Humor Columnist

HOMEBESTCOLUMNSHUMORARCHIVESCONTACT
 
 HOME

 COLUMNIST

 BEST

 COLUMNS

 ARCHIVES

 HUMOR 

 EDITOR  INFO

 FIREFLIES

 LONDON 

 EGYPT SERIES

 NEW ENGLAND

 FRIENDS

 LINK TO US

 WEB RINGS

 LINKS

 LINK SWAP

 SUBSCRIBE

 CONTACT

Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

    Follow her on 
Facebook and Twitter.


 

Follow me on Facebook 
Sheila Moss


Create Your Badge
Write on my Wall

   
National Society of
Newspaper Columnists

HumorColumnist.com
Online Since 1999

iPad Lesson....
 


The iPad Lesson

Now that you have it, what do you do with it? Today we are going to learn to use an iPad.

Step 1: Turn on the iPad. Where is the button? It's that little dent, sort of like a belly button.

So far so good, now you are ready to actually use it. What do you mean, where is the mouse? An iPad does not have a mouse. It has a touch screen. You use your finger instead of the little arrow. Pretty cool, huh?

Yes, it can do other things, lots of other things. Like what? Well, it can access the internet for starters. The iPad uses Safari as a browser. Why? Because it is an Apple product. That's the only reason we need. Touch the blue button that says Safari. See, it opens up just like Internet Explorer.

It's too little to read? Tap it twice and it will become larger. Turn the iPad sideways and the screen turns too. Cute.

You can touch any icon to open up an app. App is short for application. No, you are not applying for anything. Apps are program that run on the iPad. Get it?

Don't get carried away yet. Let me finish explaining some of the features.

The envelope will take you to your email. How does it know? Because your email address and password are in the settings. Settings are complicated. Just take my word for it. They did it at the store when you bought it. You were probably busy deciding what color of case you wanted.

How do you write a message? It has a built in keyboard. No, it is not a real keyboard. Just use your thumbs. Don't worry about errors. It is very smart and will fix your misspelled words. You should like that.

It also has a camera. I know you have a camera already, but now you have two. Okay? Touch the button. See, the screen shows the picture you are taking. Click the little camera. Watch out! That hole on the back is the lens. Next time, be sure you move your finger first.

It does not have a phone. You can text. That is like email, except different. If you want to make calls, you can call other Apple users with FaceTime. It is a video phone. It shows your face to the person you call and their face to you. Yes, like Skype, except it only works on iPads or iPhones. Why? It was designed that way.

Let's go on to iTunes. You set up an account with an Apple password and then you can download more apps, like Facebook, Twitter , music or games. Some are free and some cost money. Wait!! Now see what you have done? That was a $9.99 music app you just downloaded. You have to be more careful from now on.

Try a game. Oh, you have heard of that one? It is free. See the slingshot with the little bird in it? Pull it with your finger and try to knock down the pig's house. I don't know why they want to knock down the pig's house. Because they are angry! I'm getting that way myself.

Another neat app is called Siri. Hold down the start button. See, she says "What can I help you with?" You tell her what you want to do, like "Siri, what's the weather forecast." Yes, you can do it yourself without Siri. No, Siri cannot shoot pigs at birds. It is still imperfect.

Stop downloading all those games! Stop, stop, I say!

I give up. Just figure out the rest for yourself. You can't teach anything to a kid these days. Ten minutes on an iPad and they know more than you do.


Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
 
 



Get the
Humor Columnist Newsletter


Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN  37219
E-Mail

AVAILABLE  NOW


E-Mail
Autographed Copy
$5.00 + $4 shipping



Buy it now!
$5.00 + shipping
E-Mail

      home · best . columns · humor · archives · contact  
    © Copyright 1999-2015 Sheila Moss - All rights reserved - © Template by thetemplatestore.com
The copyright for this website and the material on this website are owned by Sheila Moss.
You may request permission to use the copyrighted materials on this website by writing to Sheila Moss.
Use of these copyrighted materials without written permission may result in legal action against you.