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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Truth About Husbands...
 



The Truth About Husbands

There are two sides to every story, the way he tells it and the way it really happened.

A husband has the solution for any problem. It may not work, but he has a solution.

Only ask your husband to do something once, he wonít hear you after that anyhow.

Your husband knows you best, but you know him better.

The more you pay for a new dress, the greater the probability you will forget to remove the price tag.

The most powerful motivator known to man is the smell of a steak on the grill.

The more you nag him, the greater the probability that you are wrong.

If you think you have any secrets from your husband, remember why he buys you negligees.

Never tell your husband you have nothing to do. He will ask you to bring him a beer.

If you want him to give up golf, learn to play it.

If you need an item you canít find, ask your husband. He wonít have it either, but he will know who to borrow it from.

If you want something new, your husband can always figure out why you donít need it.

You canít out procrastinate your husband; donít even try.

Your husband can always come up with a better way to do something, especially after itís already done.

Never complain about the movie until after he buys the popcorn.

If he offers to take you out, his good suit will always be in the cleaners.

No matter how long youíve been on a diet, your husband will still take you out to an Italian restaurant.

Never forget who puts up with your faults. Thatís something else to worry about.

Never say you can do it yourself, unless you are planning on it.

The more expensive the gift he gives you, the more you will wonder what heís been up to.

Anything is a good idea until he mentions it to his mother.

A husbandís "honey do" list has no beginning and no end.

His turf is always the exact spot where you need to vacuum the rug.

You will always need to use the car before he does if the gas tank is empty.

The older your husband becomes, the more he acts like a child.

The longer itís been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that he will invite company for dinner.

No matter how big he is, he is never too big to wrap around your little finger.

The more you detest the plaid shirt, the more often he will wear it.

The longer the story heís telling, the more likely youíve already heard it.

Husbands always know everything Ė they just sometimes have trouble remembering.

The grass gets mowed on two occasions, when it needs it and when you want him to do something else.

Your husband is the only person that knows you better than the bathroom mirror.

Womenís intuition is the only thing more mysterious than the male ego.

The reason your husband wonít turn down the TV is because he canít hear you asking.

The more you try to stay on his good side, the harder it is to make up the bed in the morning.

If you canít remember whether your husband told you he would be home late, he will.

Never criticize your husband about anything that involves a hammer, saw, or screwdriver.


Copyright 2003 Sheila Moss

 
 



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