Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Beat the Heat....
Tips to Beat the Heat
I've recently been doing some research on ways to beat the heat.
Most of the information seems to be written for Icelanders who
have never experienced a summer or beach bunnies with brains
baked by the sun.
Tips to Beat the Heat
Tip 1 - Be sure to drink plenty of water. - This
one is logical; except I don't have any bottled water and plain
old water out of the faucet isn't chic any more. Will I have to
go to the store and buy a case of bottled water to put it in the
fridge just to keep them happy?
Tip 2 - Do not drink beverages other than water,
especially alcoholic beverages. - In spite of the fact that it
seems cold, alcohol actually dehydrates you. Fortunately, I
don't like beer anyhow; however, I am rather fond of those
lemon-berry slushes from the local drive-in.
Tip 3 - Dress light - You mean we are expected to
"dress" as hot as it is? Shorts and T-shirts are
practically a summer uniform. What do they think, that we will
wear fur coats in July? Good grief! What happened to common
Tip 4 - Wear a hat. - I don't like hats but I can
go to Wal-Mart and check out the selection. Hats do not flatter
me, and most of the sun hats at Wal-Mart are red with purple
trim. Obviously, whoever wrote these tips has never shopped at
Tip 5 - Take it easy. - That's a "no brainer."
Now I actually have a valid reason to avoid doing yard work. Of
course, the flowers will all die soon if I don't water them. But
the neighbors will die if I do yard work in my new red hat.
Tip 6 - Stay inside.- Why would anyone go outside
in the heat if there were a choice? I suppose those who want to
get tan might hang out in the sun, but I doubt that they are
reading tips on beating the heat anyhow.
Tip 7 - Use air conditioning. - Good grief,
of course, use air conditioning. There's a heat wave going on.
What idiot wrote this? And the hotter it gets, the more they
crank up the air most places. I've started taking a sweater to
the movies or restaurants. At work I nearly freeze to death most
of the summer. At least we have a choice - heatstroke or
Tip 8 - Avoid strenuous exercise during the heat of the
day. - Fortunately, I don't work outside, so I don't
need to rearrange my schedule. I'm sorry for those who work on
construction or other outside jobs, though, and wonder
how understanding their foreman would be about this one. The
idiot across the street, who mows his lawn during the mid-day
sun, is another matter.
Tip 9 - Take showers or baths. - That's a
good idea, especially if you have been hot and sweaty and people
are starting to avoid being downwind from you. Water is cooling.
Swimming might be a good idea too if you happen to have access
to a pool. Guess I'll have to stick to sweating.
Tip 10 - Eat light - well that's not a
problem since I can't eat much when it's hot anyhow. Wish I had
thought to pick up a watermelon while I was at the store, but I
don't want to go back now. It's too hot to get out. - except to
go out to eat, of course, since it's too hot to cook.
So, that's it on tips to beat the heat. I believe this heat is
getting to me. Think I'll just turn on the ceiling fan, and hope
that water I put in the fridge is cool now.
Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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