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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Beat the Heat....
 


Tips to Beat the Heat

 
I've recently been doing some research on ways to beat the heat. Most of the information seems to be written for Icelanders who have never experienced a summer or beach bunnies with brains baked by the sun.

Tips to Beat the Heat

Tip 1 -
Be sure to drink plenty of water. - This one is logical; except I don't have any bottled water and plain old water out of the faucet isn't chic any more. Will I have to go to the store and buy a case of bottled water to put it in the fridge just to keep them happy?

Tip 2 - Do not drink beverages other than water, especially alcoholic beverages. - In spite of the fact that it seems cold, alcohol actually dehydrates you. Fortunately, I don't like beer anyhow; however, I am rather fond of those lemon-berry slushes from the local drive-in.

Tip 3 - Dress light - You mean we are expected to "dress" as hot as it is? Shorts and T-shirts are practically a summer uniform. What do they think, that we will wear fur coats in July? Good grief! What happened to common sense?

Tip 4 - Wear a hat. - I don't like hats but I can go to Wal-Mart and check out the selection. Hats do not flatter me, and most of the sun hats at Wal-Mart are red with purple trim. Obviously, whoever wrote these tips has never shopped at Wal-Mart.

Tip 5 - Take it easy. - That's a "no brainer." Now I actually have a valid reason to avoid doing yard work. Of course, the flowers will all die soon if I don't water them. But the neighbors will die if I do yard work in my new red hat.

Tip 6 - Stay inside.- Why would anyone go outside in the heat if there were a choice? I suppose those who want to get tan might hang out in the sun, but I doubt that they are reading tips on beating the heat anyhow.

Tip 7 - Use air conditioning. - Good grief, of course, use air conditioning. There's a heat wave going on. What idiot wrote this? And the hotter it gets, the more they crank up the air most places. I've started taking a sweater to the movies or restaurants. At work I nearly freeze to death most of the summer. At least we have a choice - heatstroke or hypothermia.

Tip 8 - Avoid strenuous exercise during the heat of the day. - Fortunately, I don't work outside, so I don't need to rearrange my schedule. I'm sorry for those who work on construction or other outside jobs, though, and wonder
how understanding their foreman would be about this one. The idiot across the street, who mows his lawn during the mid-day sun, is another matter.

Tip 9 - Take showers or baths. - That's a good idea, especially if you have been hot and sweaty and people are starting to avoid being downwind from you. Water is cooling. Swimming might be a good idea too if you happen to have access to a pool. Guess I'll have to stick to sweating.

Tip 10 - Eat light - well that's not a problem since I can't eat much when it's hot anyhow. Wish I had thought to pick up a watermelon while I was at the store, but I don't want to go back now. It's too hot to get out. - except to go out to eat, of course, since it's too hot to cook.

So, that's it on tips to beat the heat. I believe this heat is getting to me. Think I'll just turn on the ceiling fan, and hope that water I put in the fridge is cool now.


Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
 
 



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