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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Losing my Head...
 


Losing my Head

What would you do if you lost your head? What if you were looking for it and couldn't remember where you left it? Where was it when you last remember having it? If you could remember, maybe you could find it.

My mother always told me I'd lose my head if it wasn't fastened on, and I guess this means she was right. I can't find my head. Way to go mom! This isn't funny anymore. I don't know what I'll do without my head.

I've heard of people who became angry and lost their head. Could that be what happened to me? Can it be rolling around the house somewhere waiting until I cool down? Can it be hiding until I come to my senses?

Panic! Frantic! Looking here, there, everywhere, but no head. What will I do without it? Impossible! How can you lose your head?

No more bad hair days, no more talking too much. No more toothaches, or headaches, no tears, or sneezes. No need for hats or hair styles or lipstick. No more dreams or thoughts or laughter.

And, I'm dying for a cup of coffee but how can I drink it without a head?

What would cause a person loose their head? I've heard of people losing their head over a new love, or any new passion for that matter. But my life is the same old life, nothing new that's worth losing my head over.

If I had half a brain, surely I could remember what I did with my head. I know I had it yesterday. Did I have it when I went to bed? Did I leave it on the pillow? Lose it under the sheets? Am I only dreaming that I've lost my head?

Funny, when you lose your head, you can't remember anything.

Did I put it down somewhere and forget to pick it up? How can you forget something as important as your head? This is a little more critical than losing the car keys or misplacing your cell phone.

Did I leave it in the car? Did I put it in my purse? Is in the hamper with the dirty clothes or did I throw it in the trash can by accident? Maybe it is safely stored away in the closet like my shoes usually are when I can't find them.

One good thing -- no headaches today. Maybe I had a migraine and I wished my head would go away? But I don't think so... In fact, can't think at all without a head.

My head, my head, I can't go outside without a head. What would the neighbors do? Would they call the cops and say a headless person is loose in the neighborhood? Is it against the law to be without a head?

Can I go to work without a head? Even if I could use my computer, I couldn't talk on the phone. Would my boss fire me for not having a head on my shoulders? I supposed I can't expect to hold a job without a head.

I always took my head for granted. We've been together for so long that I never thought I could lose it. Somewhere out there is a missing head. If you find it, would you please return it?

What would you do if you lost your head? Would you wander around aimlessly looking for it? Would you wait patiently and hope that it returns? You couldn't cry or say how much you miss it or tell it how sorry you are that you lost it. You couldn't promise it that you will never lose it again.

What do I look like without a head? Do I dare look in a mirror?

Well, what do you know? There you are, head. On my shoulders, right between my ears, exactly where you have always been. All this worry was for nothing.

I've always heard there would be days like this. Look first, panic second... and try not to lose your head.


Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss

 
 



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