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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Haunted Home Tour....
 


The Haunted Home Tour

We have invited you here today for our Open House and Home Tour of this prime piece of real estate. It is an excellent buy, and we would like to get a little life back into this house and get the market moving.

First of all, we will view the foyer. Don't worry about the splattered wallpaper -- that can always be changed. Notice the lovely carpeting. The former owners favored a red color. We are not sure why. You will find elegant blood-red carpets throughout the house.

Entering the main living area, you will notice the beautiful oil paintings hanging on the wall. We donít know who the people in the paintings are. Probably they are all dead anyhow, so donít worry about it.

There is a slight draft in here that makes it a bit chilly at this time of the year, but think how pleasant it will be during the hot summer months. It's probably just a back draft from the fireplace, donít you think?

You will notice that the mirrors in the house create an illusion of shadows moving about the rooms.
Remember that it is only a reflection and nothing at all that we need to be concerned about.

The previous owner left the beautiful grand piano that you see by the bay windows. This piano can
practically play itself. In fact, some people believe they have heard it doing so, but it must have been
their imagination as it always stops whenever someone comes to investigate.

The beautiful grandfather clock is not running, and you will need to have it repaired; however, it is a
priceless antique and is included with the home. You may notice that all of the clocks in the house have stopped at midnight. Probably they just need to be wound and reset.

From the dining room there is a beautiful view of the garden. You will love the beautiful lilies and the
view of the bottomless lake. We also have wildlife. There are many caves in this area, and you may enjoy seeing the bats flying out of them at dusk.

The kitchen has been totally remodeled and has all the latest conveniences. The former owner collected kitchen knives and you can see that much of the fabulous collection remains. The pantry has meat hooks that will work well for hanging pots and pans. Notice the interesting antique marble floor with names and dates carved on some of the tiles.

Up the staircase we will find the bedrooms. Don't mind if there are few cobwebs hanging here and there. The place hasn't been cleaned in a while. It doesnít get many visitors. Apparently someone is looking after it, though, as there are faint footprints in the dust.

This back bedroom belonged to the ownerís daughter, who unfortunately passed away in a tragic accident when she fell down the stairs. The stairs to the basement are very dark and steep so we never take our clients down there unless they are deadly serious about making this house their permanent residence.

And that concludes our tour of this home. The owner is very anxious to sell and will consider almost any reasonable offer. You are welcome to hang around as long as you want. Our real estate company will not be responsible for accidents -- especially after dark.


Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss

 
 



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