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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Happy New Year...
 


Gonna Be a Happy New Year!

Every year about this time we have an opportunity for a new start. All the problems of the previous year are swept under the rug, and a bouncing baby New Year is born - kicking and screaming - new birth, rejuvenation, an opportunity to begin afresh. Old Father Millennium, harbinger of doom and gloom, was heralded out with an election that refused to end. But hope springs eternal. We are ready to welcome the New Year. The signs are with us. You can start predicting now:

Next year is gonna be a better year:

The relatives that came to visit for the holidays have all gone home.

The chad youíve been saving from the election made great New Yearís Eve confetti!

The pictures of you from the New Yearís Eve party mercifully didnít come out!

Your blood shot eyes turned out to be your new pink contact lenses.

Next year is gonna be a better year!

You got money and gift certificates for Christmas instead of underwear and house slippers.

You found the remote control that has been missing since September Ė just in time for the big game!

The computer addiction support group kicked you out because you are no longer qualified.

Your favorite Dot.com announced it would not be going out of business, in spite of rumors to the contrary.

It definitely looks like a better year!

The interest went UP on your savings account and DOWN on your credit card.

Your checkbook didnít balance, BUT it's because you forgot to write in your last deposit.

You ran out of checks in your checkbook, but still have money in your account!

Your tax accountant called -- just to wish you a Happy New Year!

You were late for work, but the boss was even later than you were!

Really looks like a better year!

You finally used up that giant economy size jar of instant decaf coffee.

Your instant lottery ticket wonÖ five more instant lottery ticketsÖ but at least you didnít loose.

You went for a medical checkup and you were so healthy that your doctor decided to retire.

You were stopped for speeding and convinced the policeman that the radar was wrong!

WOW! It is gonna be a GREAT year!

You caught your spouse writing a love letter on the computer - and it was addressed to YOU!

The neighbors were looking for a new pet, so you gave them your pesky cat.

You lost your car on the parking lot, but found it when the remote entry control set off the alarm.

Your friends and relatives all made it through the holidays without trying to borrow any money.

You received a thank you note from your mother-in-law who actually LIKED her Christmas gift!

You feel like going out to celebrate and it's two-for-one Happy Hour at your favorite hangout!

It looks like itís gonna be a better year!

You didnít win the Publisherís ClearingHouse sweepstakes, and they are taking you OFF their mailing list!

Your car ran out of gas in front of a gas station that takes your credit card.

You didnít have change for the parking meter but there is no charge during the holidays anyhow.

Man, itís gonna be a great year!

The phone rang and it was a telemarketer who told you they were removing you from their calling list forever.

The lawyer you rear ended at the stop sign is wanted for 10 years of past due child support.

The neighbors have a "For Sale" sign in their yard - the ones with the teenage son who is a drummer.

Yep, no doubt about it Ė it looks like itís gonna be a better year!


Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss

 
 



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