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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Toys for Grownups...
 


Toys for Grownups


Here it is time for the holidays again, and we are deciding what to buy for our significant others. Manufactures, sensing our indecision and ability to be readily influenced, have honed their marketing proficiency and offer us a wide variety of senseless gift selections.

Number one on the "wish list" this year will be the digital camera phone, a cell phone that takes pictures and video. No electronic gadget can possibly be expected to do only one thing anymore. Conveniently becoming available only a few months before Christmas, camera phones will undoubtedly be a hot seller, in spite of their high-end price tag.

If you couldnít wait for Christmas and already have a digital camera phone, there are many other ridiculous items to choose from. For instance, we have the two-wheel electric, personal transporter with a $5,000 price tag. You can stand on it and zip along for up to 10 miles, saving your energy for more important tasks. No wonder we donít get enough exercise. The only thing we exercise is the brain while thinking of new ways to get in worse physical shape than we are already.

If a personal transporter doesnít float your boat, how about getting a hovering saucer to ride? It floats on air just above the ground and is guided by holding on to handle bars and shifting the weight of the body. It costs as much as a car and only works well over solid surfaces, such as concrete or asphalt, but if you are a "wanna be" space cadet, itís as close to having a private flying saucer as you can get.

Still thinking? Remember the Global Positioning System for cars that uses satellite signals for navigation and emergency assistance? Now you can get a GPS to keep up with your child. Iím not kidding! The child wears it like a wristwatch and can be located anywhere at any time. Of course, manufacturers donít realize that once we get them out of the house, we would probably be better off not knowing.

Maybe you could use an air purification system for your home or a desktop model for the office. Not only does it filter the air; it has a special ultraviolet light to kill any germs, mold spores or bacteria in the air. We already disinfect and deodorize our homes, breath, and underarms to the point of absurdity; we now must disinfect the air we breathe.

Still leaning toward electronics, are we? How about the N-Gage? Itís a combination game deck, MP3 player, wireless browser and cellular phone. Weíve previously established that nothing can do only one thing these days. Electronic gadgets are the ultimate multi-taskers, and most all of them incorporate some combination of new technologies. Funny how we suddenly have a "need" for these things, in spite of the fact that we have lived without them for all these years.

Remember the tiny wireless cameras that were marketed all over the Internet last year whether we wanted one or not? Well, this year they are selling a tiny gadget to detect hidden mini cameras. That figures! One manufactured need creates the market for another. And so it goes.

My favorite, most favorite, gift of all, however, is the voice-activated remote control that can be programmed to change channels and make television adjustments on voice commands. It has finally happened. We have grown too lazy to even push buttons on a remote control!

Next yearís hot item will probably be an electronic, multi-tasking, garbage can to throw away all the senseless and useless junk we bought this year.


Copyright 2003 Sheila Moss
 
 



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