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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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When You Snooze...
 


When You Snooze ... 

My honey wanted to buy groceries tonight after work.  “They are predicting snow and freezing rain,” he said.  “If it snows, we might not want to go out tomorrow.”

So, I looked through all the cabinets to see what was needed and made a grocery list.  I wouldn’t dare let him go buy groceries without a list.

“No need to put down any junk food," I told my daughter, "He will get that anyhow.”

“It isn’t junk food,” he said, “it’s snacks.” Usually we end up with more “snacks” than food when he goes to the store.  He buys the large bags of potato chips and cleans out the store’s ice cream case.  I have to shop just to be sure we get some real food.

I think that maybe he has “snow panic.”  But, who cares?  He is the one that is going to fight the crowds buying bread and milk before the “Big Storm.”

“If you think of anything else, just call me,” he said as he stepped out the
door.

I was already cooking supper and getting ready to enjoy a quiet evening at home when I noticed there were no pickles in the fridge.  Well, he said to call if I needed anything.

“I’m not even to the store yet!”

Are pickles junk food?  Maybe that’s why I forgot to put them on the list. Or maybe I was just too busy with supper.

Later on, I began to wonder about where honey was.  “Surely he can’t be buying that many snacks.  It’s nearly 8:00 p.m.  Maybe I should call and check on him.

“Do we need anything else?”  I asked my daughter.  After all, I don’t want him to know that I’m calling just to check up on him.

“Oh, he’s already called again,” she said. “He didn’t understand the list. He stayed on the phone walking up and down the aisles.”  It’s funny how the store is always sold out of everything when he goes alone.

He likes to shop.  I hate it.  If I am buying clothes or something pretty, that’s one thing.  But, groceries just don’t excite me.  Usually, I’m in and out just as fast as the wheels will roll on the buggy without me getting a speeding ticket or running over a little old lady.

Finally, I gave in and called.  “What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m just now at the frozen foods.”

“What’s taking so long?  I was actually getting concerned.

“I’m having a hard time.  I can’t find stuff.  What kind of frozen French fries do you want? “

“What kind? Who cares! Any kind!”

“Do you want an eight-pound bag?”  He must be planning on having French fries with every meal.

“No, just a small size will be enough.”  Thank goodness, I called.  He is getting stuff that won’t even fit into the refrigerator.

I thought he was going to hurry before the storm.  At this rate, he will be there all night. I should have gone with him.  I don’t have to spend two hours checking out the snacks when I go.

I finally fell asleep on the sofa watching TV, thinking I’d help put groceries away when he got home.  When I woke up, he was home in his chair, the weatherman was on TV, and the groceries were put away.

“Did you find everything?” I yawned.

“Everything except the poster board,” he replied.  

I didn’t know poster board was on the list. I felt a little guilty for not helping.  

“That’s all right,” he said, “It wasn’t that hard.”

He had managed to sneak all the junk food by me and put it away, of course. For some weird reason I have a feeling he may have planned it that way all along.


Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss

 
 



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