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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Goodbye 4th of July...
 


Goodbye 4th of July

Dear Humans,

I just wanted to let you know that I am very upset with you. I do not think it was nice to laugh when I was afraid of the fireworks on the 4th of July. After all, it was an extremely loud noise and I'm not used to having a war going on in the front yard. For all I knew, it could have been terrorists trying to blow up my doghouse.

I suppose you think I should have barked instead of being afraid? Frankly, I think you are expecting too much from a little dog like me. I am a Shih Tzu, not a Pit Bull. I'm a pet, not a freedom fighter.

It has been a really rough week. People started with the firecrackers a week ahead of time as soon as fireworks were on sale. They could not seem to wait for the official holiday to start petrifying all the animals in the neighborhood. And it didn't stop after the 4th until they used up their entire arsenal.

I do appreciate my human holding me on his lap to calm my nerves. I was shaking so hard my teeth were rattling. This holiday stuff is dreadful, and I don't know why people think it is entertaining. Sometimes I don't understand humans at all.

Even the evil cats were afraid. You probably didn't notice, but they hid under the bed until it was over. Of course, I wish they would run away and never come back. Just my luck, they merely retreated and left me to face the terror campaign alone. Then after things calmed down, they groomed themselves and catnapped as if nothing happened. Stupid cats!

I sure hope there are no other holidays that have fireworks. Those rockets sound like thunder to me. I thought thunderstorms were bad, but at least they are few and far between. Ever since I was a little pup, the lightning has been trying to strike me. Remember that time I walked to the window to look at the rain and a flash of lightning cracked right in front of me? I think that is why I'm so afraid.

One night when it was thundering, my humans were asleep and would not wake up. I wanted to get in the bed so badly that I jumped about 4 feet straight up and landed on the mattress. I don't know how I did it, but somehow fear gave me super jumping skills. I've never been afraid enough to jump that high before or since, and I hope I never am.

As long as I sleep in the bed with my humans, the lightning can't strike me. Of course, I have to bark and run the wicked cats away. They attract electricity, you know. I am certain that if I can keep them out of the bed the lightning will wallop them one of these days and I will be rid of them.

I hope you get the point. I am tired of trembling and shaking every time I hear a loud noise. I will be glad when winter gets here and I don't have to worry about thunder, fireworks, or fanatics. The devil cats are about all I can deal with.

So let this be a warning, if you make me afraid, I am going run away from home to some place that doesn't have storms and firecrackers. More dogs run away on the 4th of July than any other day, you know..

Do you mind if I wait until that dark thunder cloud blows over, though?

Yours truly,
Dixie The Dog



Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
 
 



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