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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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My Refrigerator Hates Me....
 

My Refrigerator Hates Me!

My refrigerator hates me! I curse the day I bought that thing. I had no choice, or at least not much of a choice. My ancient relic from prehistoric times had finally quit. I needed something new, and I needed it today.

We went down to the friendly appliance store, the one with salesmen standing around smiling like alligators. They smiled even more when they found out I was desperate. To make a long story short, I bought a refrigerator, an expensive new stainless steel model.

I had not researched Consumer Reports, or checked out customer comments on the Internet. All I could do was go by looks and the one I finally picked was the Robert Redford of refrigerators. It was a handsome side-by-side with an ice and water dispenser in the door. It even crushed ice. It was truly a piece of appliance art.

It wasn't until I got it home that I found out it was the Abominable Snow Fridge.

First it was a leak from the ice-maker that ruined the floor. I was blissfully ignorant of its sadistic nature and before I knew what happened, the kitchen floor buckled up. That was an incident that my homeowner's insurance and I do not wish to remember. Suffice it to say, it was a nightmare.

Eventually, the floor was replaced, the refrigerator repaired, and things went back to normal. But it was hardly any time until I the ice maker quit working. How could something that looked so good be so bad? I called the appliance guy and, of course, it could not be fixed without replacing the entire ice-maker.

By then I had become leery of the monster in my kitchen. It had picked up a few scratches and dents. It was looking more like the scar-face monster that it really was.

Then one day I found it leaking again. Ah, ha! I caught you before you could ruin the floor! After that, it was war. I turned off the ice-maker when I was not at home. I bought a water alarm to put behind it.

But the refrigerator was not discouraged. It played a trump. The ice-cream melted. Everything melted. I lost an entire freezer full of food.

I called my BFF the appliance guy again. I was his best customer by now.

"It might be the fan -- It might be the coil -- it might be the thermostat it might be the compressor."

"But it is only 7 years old," I protested.

"They don't make 'em like they used to," he informed me. "Seven years is about all you can expect. Most people just throw them out when they break down and buy a new one."

I'm living 50 years behind the times expecting thing to be repairable. Nothing is fixable any more. It's a throwaway society. Later I found that it was the compressor causing it to freeze up. It would cost more to fix it than it was worth.

It was time for a divorce.

This time I checked Consumer Reports. Can you believe a top freezer holds more frozen food than a side-by-side or a freezer on the bottom? I tried defrosting old scar-face to get a few more days out of it, but this refrigerator fought until its last breath of Freon.

My new refrigerator will be delivered today. I bought a different brand, one with a freezer on top and no ice dispenser.

In a way, I'm glad that the old one will be out of my life. I want a marriage with a fridge that loves me, that is happy to have a forever home, that will provide me with ice cubes and cold milk as long as we both shall live.

 


Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss
 
 



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