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Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the Columnists.com, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern
Humorists.com
  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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Born Yesterday....
 


Born Yesterday

I was born yesterday, fell off a turnip truck, and am not playing with a full deck.

I donít have a SPAM filter or know how to block an email address and I read all my email, especially the ones offering drugs, sex, and online poker. I believe every word I read. They couldnít say it if it wasnít true!

I use my real name on chatboards, and register online with my actual date of birth. I shop online and donít worry about insecure servers or someone stealing my credit card number.  Thatís how I became a lifetime member of the NRA.

I read all the letters I receive online from people whose husbands were tragically killed, leaving them the sole heir to a large sum of money of which they will give me half -- if I help them get it out of Nigeria. Iím sitting here just waiting for my share when they deposit the money in my checking account using my bank account number and PIN that I sent them.

I always fill in subscription forms and give out my email address for online mailing lists. If I donít like their newsletters, I can always unsubscribe. You never know, I might miss out on something I really like otherwise. I wonder if thatís why I receive the daily newsletters on bungee jumping, knitting doorknob covers, and cooking with garlic?

I canít understand why PayPal thinks that someone else is attempting to use my account. But I clicked the link they sent, and gave them my correct ID and password to verify that it was really me, so that should take care of that problem. Funny how I seem to be getting the same notice from my bank and even from banks Iíve never heard of.

I order from any seller on the net that has something I like. Iím not really concerned about verified sellers. I canít possibly check the history of every single one of them. Of course, Iím still trying to figure out how to return the size 14 shoes I received. The company seems to have moved their website and my email always bounces.

I donít worry about computer viruses and open all my attachments. Iím not really too worried about some unknown virus. Besides I run virus protection and a popup blocker and clean the spyware off my system every once in a while if I happened to think about it. You must be mistaken. Iím sure it isn't my computer that sent you that virus.

Yes, I was born yesterday, fell off a turnip truck, and am a few cards short of a full deck. I am running on empty, out to lunch, and dancing out of step. I have bugs in my program, a loose wire, and forgot to punch the time clock.

Thereís a sucker born every minute, so I must have a lot of company out there, at least thatís the way it seems. A thousand emails a month canít be wrong.

And if you believe a word of what Iíve said, you must have been born yesterday as well. Itís tough work but somebody has to be stupid enough to believe this stuff and keep the spammers, scammers, spoofers, and phishers in business. Welcome to the club!


Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss

 
 



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